


When Your Alpha is Raised by Wolves and an Idiot

by Foodmoon



Series: Oddball fics [27]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Alpha beta dynamics, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, NOT a/b/o genders, Occasional swearing, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Packs in different formats, Pairings may be added as I figure them out, There are some mildly gruesome bits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2020-07-28 00:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20054773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Wherein Naruto is literally raised by wolves, and Shisui survives canonical events through no fault of his own. The wolves consider Shisui an idiot, but at least a useful one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm having more trouble than usual focusing on existing fics, partly due to having 8 people in the house, which is double the previous population here and at least quadruple the noise level and chaos, and will be lasting at least through December, so....have a new fic idea that managed to survive my exhaustion enough to get written. Unedited and all that jazz. Feedback is welcome.
> 
> ~
> 
> About 1 in 20 people are alphas. 95% of people are betas.  
All humans have a bit sharper sense of smell, related to the pheromones that people use to designate who are in their packs. These pheromones are generally _not_ sexual in nature.  
The majority of packs are familial or loose beta packs. Although formalized beta packs or alpha led packs are also known. Clans are a mixed designation: considered both one large pack on a loose, familial and formal basis, but also a collection of multiple smaller packs of various sorts.  
More often than not, betas hold social leadership positions, partly because alphas are less common, and partly because a fair number of alphas are too tightly focused on their personal packs to be concerned with larger community issues. Alphas are treasured, but certainly not to the point of social veneration.
> 
> Omega is _not_ a sexual designation, but a designation for outcasts. Those who have left, been kicked out, or traumatically lost their packs and have no secondary social pack-like support system, such as a loose beta pack. Since it is fairly common to belong to both a familial and loose beta pack, and possible to belong to a formalized beta pack and a clan pack as well, it’s relatively uncommon to see omegas occurring outside of wars or large scale disasters. Omegas may be adopted into other packs, either formally or informally, further lowering incidences. Those who remain omegas for extended periods of time tend to be either loners or semi-feral to outright feral from the social isolation. Not all are dangerous, but they are regarded with caution.
> 
> Betas are the regular run of humans, just with pack oriented pheromones, instincts/behaviors, and sharper sense of smell that allows them to smell the pheromones properly.  
Those with active chakra can detect pheromone-related ‘pack claims’ in the chakra as well, something even civilians do to a very mild extent, since chakra is a mix of physical and spiritual energies.  
Betas often form loose ‘bachelor/ette’ type packs which act as social support system that pack instincts demand, without being formal packs. These are called ‘loose packs’ or ‘loose beta packs’ and while members can change easily over time, it’s not uncommon for such packs to persist past the individual members settling down into marriage and other pack formats. They are on par with relatively decent friendships, and thus the most widespread pack-like structure outside of familial packs. Betas can form formal packs, but it’s far less common than informal packs. Formal packs are generally on par with rather small groups of friends who can count on each other to support and protect no matter what.  
Aside from the pheromones and mild ruts, betas can have alpha characteristics. Some clans, such as the Inuzuka or Hatake have enough alpha characteristics that the beta members are often mistaken for alphas by the uninformed, helped along by the fact that ninjas on duty regularly use pheromone suppressants and erasers, making it very difficult to tell by scent.
> 
> Alphas have different pheromones, mother hen/protective and leader tendencies on max, sharper teeth, twice a year mild rut (can be alleviated by cuddling with pack, if they don't have a designated sex interest). Their sexual organs are not different from betas. Even civilian alphas have the ability to detect the chakra ‘pack claims’ (which do not fade even after the pheromones fade or are removed, unless one rejects the implicit claim). Alphas also tend to have little hesitation in taking in even feral omegas, and belonging to an alpha’s pack/being placed under an alpha’s protection is the easiest known way to reverse feralism in omegas/former omegas due to alphas’ stronger pheromones. It is possible to tell an alpha of either gender from betas by around age two at latest, although juvenile alphas and sexually mature alphas have differences in pheromones.

Naruto is four the day he wanders from the orphanage further than usual. Well, first he just goes to the playground, but one of the other orphans sees him there and beats him up and steals his shirt and shoes. He doesn’t want to play after that, but he also doesn’t want to go back and get yelled at by the matrons for losing his shirt and shoes and messing up his pants. Even if it’s not his fault this time, they won’t believe him.

Meanwhile, the child who stole his shirt and shoes _also_ wanders off, but in the direction of the Forest of Death. _(All they find of him when the search party for Naruto finally comes across his corpse a week later is some broken, tiny bones, a too small mauled and bloody shoe, and a few recognizable scraps of generic pants and the shirt that Naruto was last seen wearing, soaked in dried blood and small bits of rotting flesh. At this point, Konoha makes an ASSUMPTION.)_

But back to Naruto, whose route took him south, at some point along the slick and grassy banks of the Naka, where he falls in and almost drowns but is pushed to shore before he can by a stray eddy. He struggles out of the water, getting covered in mud for his pains, then hightails it _away_ from the scary river that, unknown to him has taken him _past_ the protective walls of Konoha. It is not long before he’s thoroughly lost in this unfamiliar forest, and sniffling because he’s hungry and by now he’d rather be home being yelled at by the matrons than lost _here._ Wherever _here_ is.

It’s at this point that he meets a wolf.

~

Naruto has seen dogs before. Inuzuka people run around with dogs, and some of them are quite big. But this dog is _really big_ and looks pretty startled to see him.

“A little human alpha?” It asks. “What are you doing here? Where are your parents?”

His lip juts out in a pout. “Don’t have any. Jiji says that, but I ‘unno. The other kids say I’m a ‘mega and don’t like playin’ wit’ me, so I can’t be, right? An’ Sho was mean again an’ took my shirt an’ _hit_ me, an’ _den_ I fell in the water an’ it was _cold_ an’ I couln’t _breave_, an’ I ‘unno where here _is_. So I ‘unno. Am I in trouble?”

The really big dog sighs. “No, little human. What’s your name?”

“Naruto Uzumaki!” He’s proud of himself for saying it without stumbling this time.

“I’m Maki. How about you get on my back and I’ll take you to meet my pack alpha?”

“Yatta!” Naruto cheers, and scrambles over and up before the dog, _Maki_, can change her mind.

~

It doesn’t take long for Naruto to learn that the _really big dogs_ are actually wolves. He figures it just means that they’re bigger and smarter, and don’t like being compared to smaller dogs, but he’s not _stupid_, so he doesn’t tell _them_ that. Besides, they’re a lot nicer than most humans and they _like_ him. They even adopt him into their pack after learning that he’s called a ‘_mega_ lots, along with a lot of muttering about humans being stupid and foolish for _‘treating an alpha cub as an omega’_ and_ ‘don’t they know better? who deliberately tries to make an alpha feral?’_

Needless to say, he isn’t going back to the orphanage. Wolves aren’t very good at making human food and they don’t wear _clothes_ or have _showers_, but that’s okay, because _they want him_. Plus, they have _really warm fur_ that he can snuggle into when he’s cold. And they find him clothes _somewhere_. And even if the water where they take him to bathe is _cold_, they fish him out if they think he’s been in too long, and they teach him how to swim and even how to _catch fishies_ to eat. _And_ they’re teaching him to use _chakra_, which is _cool_ cuz he thought only ninjas could do that, but they tell him that’s not true and he can use it to help protect or heal people or wolves that he cares for.

He misses Jiji a little, and a couple of the mask ninjas who were extra nice, but he’s _much, much_ happier living with his new pack.

_(Meanwhile, a tiny civilian village miles south of the wolves’ territory, and further south of Konoha, suddenly has tales of a peculiar sort of werewolf. Giant talking wolves, who occasionally have pups born in human form instead, and are quite polite about trading freshly hunted deer for clothes or other items for those rare pups. Some think they’re a type of summons, others think they’re spirits. All agree that dealing dishonestly with the rarely seen creatures is more than one’s life is worth._

_It’s a fairly remote village, though, and the tales don’t make it far past their borders. The rumors are picked up by a couple ninjas passing through, but quickly dismissed as superstition and forgotten. The tales never make it to Konoha or any of the other hidden villages.)_

~

It is a couple years later, the day an eddy of the Naka River briefly pushes Shisui ashore along the stretch of woods that the wolves claim as their territory. Quite honestly, it is a very _large_ territory, but the area around Konoha isn’t densely settled, and hardly settled at all in this direction, so humans rarely come through their territory, and far less often actually _encounter_ them. Shisui is…well, not dead, but heading there rather rapidly, all told. Losing both eyes probably wouldn’t end him on his own, though he knows the medics would rant about shock, but the lethal, untreatable poison in his system certainly will. And if not _that_, well, he has no doubt that internal bleeding, a number of broken bones and shock from the impact of throwing himself off a cliff into the river and _then_ going over a waterfall and being in chilly water for an extended period of time will kill him soon enough. Ironically, the shock itself is probably why he’s still alive in the first place, slowing his system down enough that the poison’s encroachment has been also slowed.

Not that it will matter soon. The river will reclaim his body. And, well. He trusts Itachi to use his eye to properly counteract his _stolen_ eye that bandaged, backstabbing fossil had gotten his hands on.

He doesn’t really pay much attention to the rustling of brush until there’s a sharp intake of breath above him, and then tiny human hands determinedly dragging him further onto the shore, and the scent of juvenile alpha. _Oh dear._

“Hey, kid. Do me a favor and don’t try to save me, okay? I’m pretty close to dead already and I’ve been poisoned. You won’t be able to do anything about that, and I’d rather you not watch me die.”

The little alpha startles at the sound of his voice, but recovers quickly, quiet as he manages to tug Shisui further onto the mucky bank with a strength that he probably shouldn’t have at his age.

“No. _My _beta!” The little guy proclaims, then Shisui feels small hands against his chest and bites through his tongue with a pained shriek as a raging _torrent_ of chakra is forced through his system. Not _quite_ healing chakra, he parses as the pain ebbs as his pain receptors shut down in self-defense, but _close enough_ that his body can absorb it and forcibly heal itself. The poison in his system is literally _halted in its tracks_ and then more or less _fried out of existence_ by the scarily undisciplined but thoroughly _intentioned_ tsunami of chakra.

“Well, shit.” He says succinctly, resignedly as the little alpha’s chakra recedes, leaving him healed enough that he most certainly _will_ survive unless he does something entirely stupid.

There is a mild crashing in the brush nearby and a slightly growly voice calls out, “Naruto! Who’s hurt? What-? Oh. Well then. Congratulations on your first human beta, I guess. Please don’t make a habit of adopting every stray human the river coughs up, though. Sometimes river trash is just _trash_ and dangerous as well, pup.”

“Well, ouch.” Shisui says mildly, not really offended at the implication that’s _exactly _what he is. Then jolts as a canine nose thrusts under his neck, teeth grab the back of his clothing with startling dexterity, then hauls him upright, ignoring his reflexive flailing and squawking. “Hey, hey, hey! I can stand on my own.”

He staggers when he’s released abruptly, but manages to stay on his feet. “Ugh. How is this my life?”

“No dying.” The little alpha states belligerently.

“Uh.” Well, he’s far enough from Konoha by _now_ that surely no search parties will get this far and everyone will think him dead anyway, so… Besides, he _trusts_ Itachi to take care of the rest of _that_ fiasco. Kid’s way too responsible for his own good, that way. “Okay. I didn’t know any Inuzuka lived out this far away from Konoha.”

There is a distinct snort of derision mere inches from his ear. “They don’t, blind beta. This is the Wolf Wood, claimed by our wolf pack. Naruto is the only human among us until now.”

“Wait.” Something finally clicks in his memory. “Naruto? Naruto…Uzumaki? But your shirt was found in the Forest of Death… Uh.”

Naruto shoves him in the direction away from the river and answers in a slightly sulky tone. “I _knew_ that meanie Sho wouldn’t take care of it after he stole it. An’ my _shoes_ too. I hope he got _spanked._ ‘Cept, I know he didn’t, cuz the matrons always thought I was lying.”

Shisui winces and decides not to tell him that whoever this ‘Sho’ was had met _definitively_ with existential negation via encountering an oversized tiger. “So, how did you end up _here?_”

“Fell in the river an’ couldn’t swim.”

“The river spit him out and he had enough sense to get as far from it as he could, and then Maki happened across him.” The wolf clarifies, nosing at him to guide him around what he assumes is a tree or shrub. “Your villagers were treating him as an omega and he didn’t want to go back, which is a _silly_ waste of an alpha cub, so we adopted him. Frankly, I’m surprised anyone bothered _looking_ for the cub, given how he was treated.”

“Uh.”

“You know why.” The wolf observes cannily. “I assume it has to do with that seal on his belly?”

He’s _really not supposed to talk about this, but…_ “He’s the Kyuubi jinchuuriki.”

“The Kyu-?” Then the wolf grasps what he just blurted, and growls in a way that makes his hair stand on end. Which is something of a feat, given how soaked it is at the moment. “Of course, because it takes the intelligence of a _concussed rabbit_ to seal an eons old harbinger of disaster that _hates_ humans into an alpha pup and then proceed to make sure the pup is treated like an omega. Because _obviously_ it sounds like a good idea, creating a feral alpha with the power of the most powerful bijuu in existence at his disposal in the middle of one’s village. There’s no way _that_ can turn out wrong. _Humans._”

“If you’re expecting me to defend the decision, you’ll be disappointed.” Shisui replies. “So many idiots were convinced that he _was_ the Kyuubi that a law had to be passed making it treason for the adults to talk about it to the children or to harm him. It didn’t help that his father had so many enemies that it was unsafe to clarify who he really was. Is. Sorry, kid, we all thought you were dead for the last two years.”

A small hand slips into his. “You know who my parents were? Jiji said he didn’t.”

So maybe Shisui curses vividly for a bit before he sighs. “Yeah, kid. Your mom was Kushina Uzumaki, that’s where you got your clan name, and your dad was Minato Namikaze, who pretty much _ended_ the last ninja war by way of slaughtering several thousand enemy ninjas _single-handedly_. He was the Fourth Hokage for a bit before he died sealing the Kyuubi into you after it went on a rampage that destroyed a good portion of Konoha the night you were born. A _lot_ of foreign ninjas would want you dead if they knew he’d left a kid behind.”

~

Shisui quickly tires of being blind and improves his chakra sensing to the point that he can navigate on his own, then slowly improves it further until he can navigate at high speed and well enough to engage Naruto in mock fights besides teaching him katas and various other things that wolves don’t utilize much but are generally somewhat important for humans to know. Such as how to handle kunai, basic food preparation _(including how to **not** almost chop off your fingers because you can’t see what you’re looking at)_, how to write _(clumsily, he’s blind, okay? And the wolves make disparaging comments about Naruto’s copying skills.)_, handsigns _(these help Naruto’s control far less than expected, the kid is clumsy but determinedly practices to get them right, but apparently his chakra is so massive that intent works better for focusing it than handsigns, for the most part)_, <strike>drinking</strike> _(he may or may not have gotten bitten smartly for trying that one)_, chakra control exercises _(human style)_, how to disguise one’s chakra and scent signatures _(in multiple ways)_, shunshin _(properly, okay? No one is better at shunshin than Shisui and he’s determined that his student/alpha will be just as good at it),_ stealth _(Naruto picks it up with <strike>frightening</strike> glee)_, the academy three _(Naruto’s pretty terrible at all of them)_ and other basics Shisui can remember, how to handle money, gambling _(Naruto has scarily good luck)_, and all the history and political and social information he can dredge out of his memory and stuff into the kid’s disinterested brain.

_(Meanwhile, Itachi proves to Konoha why, exactly, one should not leave specifics and subtext out of parting instructions to literalists._

_And not long after that, Akatsuki learns that their plans are ruined, because without the Kyuubi they can’t complete Tsukuyomi. Or so they gather from the absolute shitfit ‘Madara’ throws after speaking in private with Black Zetsu.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naka River translates as ‘River of Southern Joy’, and apparently runs through the Uchiha compound at one point, but Konoha is apparently riddled with tributaries and smaller split-off branches of the Naka. So. The part of the Naka in this AU where Shisui attempts suicide is on Uchiha grounds or bordering them, and the Uchiha grounds are on the southern side of Konoha, with the faces on the mountain being west-northwest. And the spot where Naruto falls in is a smaller, fairly swift tributary that joins up just inside Konoha’s walls. He mostly survived because he was more pouty than flaily to begin with and thus more prone to float, and also because the Kyuubi kept him from experiencing hypothermia or pneumonia from prolonged exposure.
> 
> 'mild crashing in the brush'- 'brush' is an abbreviated form of 'underbrush', generally you will only find this usage in connection to forests.


	2. Scrambled Memories and That One Teacher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi is an idiot. Iruka would do a bloodhound proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts on future pairings? Or who you'd like to see in Naruto's pack? I may or may not use the suggestions, but they help kickstart the muse. I am fine with including civilians, those not in his age group, or even those he canonically didn't mesh well with because of his borderline ostracization.  
Please include your reasoning, not just chuck the Konoha 12 group at me wholesale, because that's cliche and the circumstances are different enough that there needs to be good reasons for some of them or it just won't work. I also will _not_ be pairing Naruto with Hinata or Shisui. Nor do I plan on making his personal pack massive in size.
> 
> **Spoiler Alert:**  
People who _are, at this point_ slated to be included in the pack:  
Shisui  
Kakashi  
Iruka  
Shino  
Shikamaru  
Possibly Sasuke, because of Shisui  
Possibly Sakura, though iffy on it  
Itachi, because of Shisui  
Kisame  
Obito, because of Shisui  
Anko  
A couple of the wolves he's closest to in his 'familial' pack  
redacted  
redacted

Kakashi has a moment to realize that his chakra has _not_ given him the intended extra push off the branch before he plummets and lands face first in the questionably-cushy forest loam. _Nom, nom, the taste of decaying plant matter and dirt. He hates chakra exhaustion._ Resignedly, he attempts to get up before realizing that is just not happening for a while. At least he manages to turn over so at least he’s no longer eating loam against his will.

He should really move. Like up into a handy tree. So some passing wild animal won’t eat him while he’s lying here helpless.

On the other hand, tree walking would use chakra and then he’d probably pass out halfway up and be out cold for three days, which would leave him _more vulnerable_, for a longer period of time. And he’s not _actually_ suicidal. Or, at least, he has no intention of dying, given that seeing the world for him is the one promise he made Obito that he _hasn’t_ broken and still is able to keep. Maybe he _should_ have gone by the roads, but the forests route is faster and has less people to worry about and he’d much rather die by way of rabid cute and fuzzy than by way of some lucky asshole picking up his bounty because he fainted in the middle of the road. He has a _reputation_ to keep up, after all.

Besides, it’s not like this is the Forest of Death with its unnatural, oversized, bloodthirsty wildlife. He’s probably safe from killer fawns for a few hours. _What? _The Nara may claim that deer are gentle and harmless, totally unsuited to being nin-animals, but he _knows_ better, okay? He’s seen the aftermath of the Nara deer intercepting an attempt at kidnapping a Nara brat for the bloodline. And as someone who made genin at age 5, he knows better than to assume that young age and cuteness equal a lack of-

_Whoa! That is a big…wolf. _What is something _that_ size doing here? _He wants a refund._

“I deserve a refund.”

“Is that so?” An amused voice asks.

Kakashi blinks as a man with a heavy cloth band across his eyes, indicating blindness, hoves into view. _Oh, the wolf must be the guy’s summons._ Most summoners are ninjas, but there were some passed down between civilians who learned to use chakra but had no official training or interest in _getting_ that training, after all. One just needed sufficient chakra and a mutually beneficial relationship.

Such as the Daimyo’s wife and her contract with the Tora clan nekomatas. He’s heard that she holds the record for the fastest time for getting young nekomata to develop split tails, and thus has been entrusted with a series of young Toras over the years. In return, the nekomatas get to feed off the pain and suffering of the hapless genin regularly sent to ‘retrieve’ them, and give various courtiers nightmares when it benefits her.

“Yes. This isn’t the Forest of Death.”

A smile quirks the summoner’s mouth. “Do you want it to be?”

“No-o-o.”

The man laughs and it’s famil- “Pup, come over here and heal the idiot ninja before he accidentally offs himself running face first into a tree.”

“Lies. I fell _off_ the tree.” He objects, vaguely aware that he sounds a lot loopier than he should be. Just possibly, his internal injuries are worse than his half-assed assessment had made him think?

“Okay, nii-san!” The cheerful voice is followed by a blue-eyed, blond kid who looks _really_ fa- Small hands press on his chest, and then he _shrieks_ in agony as foreign chakra tears through his empty chakra system, filling the tired coils almost to _bursting_ and- The world goes black and fizzling white for a few seconds before he passes out entirely.

When he wakes, they are gone. Like a pipe dream. Except he can still smell traces of them, and his chakra system is thrumming with foreign chakra that screams of alpha and proclaims ‘mine, mine, mine’.

Perhaps fortunately for the world and history at large, the <strike>outrageous pain</strike> trauma of the short incident scrambles his memory of it _thoroughly_. He remembers it this way:

A blind, blond wolf summoner finds him.   
The man probably has sage training, because he used what was probably senjutsu to heal him.  
The man has a small, blue-eyed apprentice with hair just as long and unruly as his own.  
He knows the man is a summoner because of the large wolf with nekomata eyes.  
They were probably simply passing through, visiting the Wolf clan one of the Inuzuka’s had told him lived there, because that clan, while technically summons, have foresworn accepting any summons contracts. Permanently.  
It would be polite to leave them alone, given that they obviously have no intention of getting involved, given that they had disappeared by the time he woke.

Quite honestly, he is tempted to track them down. On the other hand, he _does_ need to get back to Konoha. And he can practically feel Rin scolding him from the afterlife at the very _notion_ of not getting checked over thoroughly by a proper medic as soon as possible, in favor of satisfying his curiosity.

~

Naruto is nine when Shisui comes across the silver haired ninja with the Leaf symbol on his headband. He knows by the fact that Shisui addresses him as ‘pup’ that this is someone who would probably recognize Naruto’s name, and really, Naruto thinks he _does_ know him. He has a vague memory of being surrounded by a lot of scary adults, some of which had started hurting him, then a man with silver hair, a weird mask, and crackly chakra stepping in and terrifying the mean adults enough that no adult ever tried to hurt him again. It’s super faint, but the injured ninja has that same crackly feeling chakra.

So there’s no hesitation to healing the man. _His beta, his._

And there’s even less hesitation to leaving immediately after when Shisui snaps out that they need to go _now_ and _use stealth_, even though leaving a person unconscious in the forest is sort of a mean thing to do. The _last_ thing he wants to do is go back to Konoha, where the adults mostly hate him and the kids are allowed to be mean to him a lot. It’s not like Konoha’s so far away that he won’t be able to check up on his beta now and then, even if letting him leave goes against his instincts. He _knows_ that he can’t always listen to his instincts, not if it means endangering himself and his pack by extension.

Later, when they are safely away, Shisui tells him all he knows about the ninja with silver hair, called Kakashi Hatake.

~

Kakashi <strike>wobbles and sulks</strike> makes his way back to Konoha faster than should be possible, given how injured and low on chakra he was just hours before. _Then again, being chakra drunk shouldn’t be possible, but he’s fairly sure that if he’s not, he’s perilously close to it._ Kotetsu and Izumo give him wide-eyed looks as he signs in.

The Hokage’s brows climb into his nonexistent hairline as Kakashi walks in and stay there for the duration of Kakashi’s verbal report.

The line to the Mission Desk clears out when he goes to hand in his report, and even Iruka, who normally chews his ear off for illegibility-blah-blah-blah gives him a leery look and maintains an overly calm tone as he asks Kakashi to clarify the bits that are unreadable and fills in the corrections in his neat, teacherly writing before accepting the report with only mild grumbles and a warning that _‘this is a one-time thing, Kakashi, don’t get used to it’._

If he had a way to replicate it, he’d absolutely get used to it, but being claimed by an alpha is hardly an everyday experience. Particularly one with enough chakra to flood right over a jounin’s chakra to the point of replacing the signature for the most part. Granted, that was largely because Kakashi had been down to the bitter dregs of his chakra, but it wasn’t like people could know that without him telling them first. _Ah, well_. The claim would persist, but over time as his own chakra regenerated, his chakra signature would normalize to the point that he could hide the claim from enemies. Not that it would matter much if he couldn’t. At least nine of ten people mistake him as an alpha anyways, despite the fact that his pheromones are clearly beta; most likely the claim would simply be mistaken as his normal chakra signature despite the clear differences, unless it was someone who had fought him before. The Hatake betas, like the Inuzuka betas, have always had what are otherwise considered alpha traits. Sharper teeth, easier recognition of pheromone and chakra ‘claims’, twice yearly restlessness which is often mistaken for an alpha rut, along with possessive protectiveness of family and friends. And Kakashi has long since quit correcting people on the matter, because it buys him extra cooperation in general. Why bother to explain when explaining just brings him trouble, after all?

“Holy shit, Kakashi, you _reek_ of alpha. How did that happen, you lucky dog? Don’t most alphas think you _are _an alpha? I’ve seen actual alphas back down from your _implied_ claims.”

Kakashi squints at the sunglasses sitting in the chair next to him in the waiting room, and realizes that it’s Aoba Yamashiro, not an Aburame. _Oops. Of course he’d accidentally sit by the gossipy alpha._ He should probably keep his mouth shut, but he can’t resist. “Saa…you know. Chakra exhaustion, internal bleeding, broken bones, kind wolf summoner passing by, senjutsu, the usual.”

There is a pause, then Aoba snorts. “Sure. I’ll be sure to tell it that way. Must’ve been some roll in the hay for you to come up with that elaborate a story to deflect attention. Damn. I haven’t heard of any alpha whores in years.”

He hums neutrally. “There was no sex involved.”

“Oh, a geisha? That makes more sense. Damn, you are one lucky man.”

“Mmn.” Kakashi says noncommittally and sprawls lazily. _Mission: Delude Konoha’s Gossips by Telling the Truth: Success._

~

Naruto is _still_ nine when he begins slipping in and out of Konoha stealthily, familiarizing himself with it without letting anyone notice him. There are a few close calls, of course, but he gets better, learns how to fade into a crowd by muffling his chakra signature so it matches that of a tree or a civilian _(which are different, don’t get him wrong, but equally as useful, particularly when dodging persistent ninjas)_.

Then there’s the teacher with the scar across his nose, who actually _catches_ Naruto multiple times, mistaking him for someone named ‘Kyo’, and drags him to the Academy to sit through classes.

None of the teachers seem particularly surprised when he randomly doesn’t know something or asks weird questions. They _do_ look at him weirdly when he’s friendly to the other students, or answers questions loudly like the other kids do, though. Naruto figures whoever this ‘Kyo’ is, must be terribly boring and hate people in general, so he does try to be quieter after the first time. He fails, but the teachers apparently get used to it, so at least there’s that. Not that he can’t be quiet. His stealth is _awesome_, but his voice is kind of loud and more so when he gets excited.

And at least the random classes he gets dragged to let him practice his numbers and writing at the school’s expense. According to Shisui anyways. He doesn’t really enjoy it, though, so he gets creative in hiding from Iruka sensei and disguising his chakra signature. It _mostly_ works. He keeps having to come up with new ways to use the techniques, though, because Iruka catches on scarily fast. His record for using the same techniques successfully is five times in a row. Usually it’s more like two or three times. _(It’s safer to just avoid the man’s attention to begin with.)_

Shisui thinks it’s hilarious and tells him that he should thank Iruka for making Naruto finally take stealth and speed training as seriously as it deserves.

Just for that, Naruto’s tempted to quit going back, but…well. An alpha’s gotta check in on his beta regularly and make sure he’s taking care of himself properly, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure senjutsu is painless, Kakashi. (Drily)   
Naruto vaguely remembers Kakashi’s chakra from an early incident where Dog scares the piss out of a would-be mob of civilians.  
Kakashi may be a <strike>lot</strike> bit smug about being claimed by an alpha.
> 
> Wolf Wood pack, not summons but only because they do not _and do not wish to_ ever agree to contracts. Related to a/several summons pack/s in summons realm.  
Wolf sages are a thing, but there hasn’t been one in several generations, ditto wolf summoners. To clarify, neither Shisui nor Naruto are wolf summoners. Shisui has a ravens/crows summons. Naruto has no summons at this point.  
There _is_ a wolf god, but it’s been a long time since any human has encountered him?/her?, even the more ‘recent’ wolf summoners several generations back didn’t, and human knowledge of the god’s existence has gradually been lost to time.
> 
> The Uchihas (pre-massacre) don't have very many alphas and are actually kind of leery of alphas, because Madara was the last high powered ninja!alpha in the clan and look how /that/ turned out. As leaders within the clan at least* not sure in general. Ever since, Uchiha alphas have been very pointedly discouraged from becoming ninjas, or if they really wish to, shuffled into paper ninja positions _by the Uchiha clan_, something Konoha in general regards with faint bemusement.
> 
> ‘Kyo’- Naruto’s henge on the occasions Iruka catches him, is that of a very average-looking civilian kid. Ironically, Kyo is not a real person, but an identity set up by Danzo to occasionally rotate Root members through bits of classes under the henge of a very average-looking, civilian-born Academy student who often skips classes. Naruto’s a bit freaked out and impressed by the ability to catch him, and so he obediently sits through the classes he’s dragged to _(which incidentally aren’t Iruka’s)_, before escaping at recess or after school. Shisui laughs himself sick after the first time it happens and points out that it’s a good chance to practice his reading and writing skills, and to spar against humans his own age/size. So on the rare occasions it happens again, he doesn’t struggle very hard and actually puts his class-time to use.


	3. Death and Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto loses control, revenge happens. Shikamaru finds life troublesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Some wolf names of the Wolf Wood pack (pack is around 30 members):**  
Maki- _young adult (at the time) female wolf who first brought Naruto to the pack, about a year younger than Naruto_  
Mari- _female wolf_  
Miki- _female wolf_  
Miho- _female wolf_  
Jurou- _male wolf_  
Kurou- _male wolf_  
Shirou- _male wolf_  
Taiki- _male wolf_  
Riko- _female wolf_  
Saki- _female wolf about 3yrs younger than Naruto, part of Naruto’s personal pack by mutual choice, quite happy to get up to mischief with Naruto when there’s opportunity, but quite serious about things that are important_  
Kiku- _female wolf_  
Yuko- _female wolf_  
Yuuma- _male wolf_  
Yori- _male wolf_  
Yoshi- _male wolf_  
Richenza- _female wolf_  
Rakusa- _female wolf_  
Raguza- _male wolf a couple years older than Naruto, part of Naruto’s personal pack by mutual choice and often Naruto’s self-appointed caretaker, very responsible, fearless in general, generally lets Naruto do his own thing unless there’s lessons to be taught or danger that is above Naruto’s ability to cope with currently_  
**Naruto’s current personal pack members:**  
Shisui Uchiha, human male  
Saki, female wolf of Wolf Wood pack  
Raguza, male wolf of Wolf Wood pack  
Kakashi Hatake, human male  
Shikamaru Nara, human male

Kakashi starts smelling traces of _his_ alpha here and there around Konoha. Nothing one would worry about within Konoha, given that it’s rare for someone to know _all_ their fellow nin or even all the _alpha_ nins within the village. The scent of deep forest hardly distinguishable from that of in-village trees, much like the scent of _canine_ wrapped around it could easily be mistaken for that of ninken. There _is_ something about the scent that bothers him, but not so much that he has any intention of tracking his alpha down in an attempt to pinpoint it when it’s obvious that his alpha has no real intention of being found. No, if he wanted to be found, he’d have stalked Kakashi’s person rather than the remote checking on his environs and place of residence that the faint, now and then traces indicate.

_He’s not rude, after all._

So rather than disturb his alpha’s off and on discrete surveillance, he keeps his mouth shut and basks in knowing that his alpha cares enough to keep tabs on him.

~

Naruto is nine when he starts wandering through the Forest of Death, taking the chance, alternately terrifying fun and simply terrifying, to train against bigger, sneakier, more aggressive creatures than available in the Wolf Wood. _(Well, outside the pack.)_ Sometimes he spends more of his twice a week forays into Konoha in the Forest of Death rather than in the village proper.

He has to take someone with him, of course. Shisui and the rest of the pack insist on that. Usually Raguza, Yoshi, Miho or Yuko, though occasionally one of the others takes a turn.

So he’s not exactly _alone_ when one day, while practicing disguising his chakra signature as that of a tree, he spots a man who matches Shisui’s description of the Aburame who poisoned him so his eye could be stolen. He’s seen other Aburame, of course, and he knows better than to jump to conclusions, so he just stays hidden. Except, the man proceeds to walk right past him and Naruto gets a good eye view of the mosquito-like bugs flying in and out of little holes in the man’s skin, with a thick, ugly scar across his throat, stretched thin in places, indicating the scar is old and probably occurred while he was still a child, and an oddly flat and cold chakra signature like those masked people _(ANBU Shisui calls them)_ but chillier, like a void where the warmth of sunshine no matter how thin should fall.

Bile rises, a sour burn in the back of his throat and he- and he- he _cannot forgive the man who attacked and nearly killed- meant to kill **his** beta at the bidding of a traitor who stole Shisui’s eye and nearly both-_! It’s not a conscious decision to uncoil from his position, press a hand against the man’s back and funnel the _opposite of healing intent_, bitter rage so intense that Naruto fancies the world turns wispy red and the air literally sizzles around his arm. Killing intent so strong that the lethal not-mosquitos fry into ash as they pour out of the petrified and spasming Aburame and attempt to get close enough to bite, to kill the one who was attacking their host. _Something_ is rising up within him and-

Abruptly, Raguza’s teeth set into the back of his shirt and yank him backwards, startling him out of his nearly mindless rage, and Naruto blinks as he sees red wisps of chakra fading back into his skin. _Oh. Oh, no. He had nearly-_

Raguza drops him after putting a couple dozen yards between them and his victim. Naruto lands on his feet automatically, and stares in a kind of fatalistic horror as the Abur- as the man he killed topples over into a boneless sprawling heap of what is now merely steaming flesh. He swallows harshly.

“Fucking foolish pup!” Raguza snaps, sounding like he’s in pain. “Don’t use the Kyuubi no Kitsune’s power to kill! You’re lucky we’re deep enough into _this_ forest that it will mask the specific flavor of your killing intent. Or were you _trying_ to bring Konoha’s elites down on us? Get on my back. We’re leaving in case someone pinpointed the location. And you’re not coming anywhere _near_ here or Konoha in general for _at least_ a month!”

Naruto cringes, seeing what looks like caustic burns all over Raguza’s muzzle, and wisely slinks onto his back without a word. _He knows that **he** did that. That the reason half the fur on his wolf-brother’s face is melted down to scorched skin is **him**, and the sheer guilt of having harmed a pack member, his beta, is so overwhelming that it washes right over the horror of his first human kill._ He doesn’t regret the kill. No, he’s too much a wolf, too well taught by a high ranked ex-shinobi for that. Death comes to all, eventually, and protecting the pack is one of his core values. But he does regret the sudden lack of control, the brutality of the method. A method he’s previously only used to _heal_ with. _A method that had harmed his pack, his beta. Unforgivable._

He doesn’t say a word, or do anything to make the trip back to the Wolf Wood more difficult, or even protest when Raguza drops him off with Shisui and reverse summons himself to the summons realm, where several loosely affiliated packs of wolves reside, saying something about seeing a healer. _(Unlike the Wolf Wood pack, the summons realm packs are agreeable to having summoners, but there hasn’t been a summoner in several generations.)_ Instead, he curls silently into Shisui, finally letting the tears loose to drip down his face and off his chin, soaking Shisui’s somewhat ragged shirt.

“What happened?” Shisui asks when his tears taper off.

“I’m a bad alpha!” He wails. “I hurt Raguza when I killed that mute bug-guy! I hurt him, hurt him, hu-ur-rt himmmm! And then he carried me all the way home!”

Shisui stills. “You killed Sugaru Aburame?”

“Uh-huh. Cuz he hurt you, and s’bad, and s’not allowed! But, but s’really angry, and! Pulled Kyuubi’s chakra and, and-! Squoosh! And Raguza got hurt pulling me awayyy! I didn’t meannn to! I’m baaaad!”

“You killed Sugaru Aburame with the Kyuubi’s chakra because he poisoned me for Danzo?” Shisui clarifies, sounding rather stunned.

Naruto stops wailing and wipes his face on Shisui’s shirt, because this is definitely not any reaction that he expected. “Well, yes? I mean, he almost killed you. He _m-meant_ to kill you. And he works-worked for that creepy traitor, right? The one who wanted to kill you for your eyes? Um… Are you mad? Shisui…?” Not receiving an answer, he huffs noisily. “Well, I’m not sorry at all, even if you _are_ mad. _No one _gets to kill my pack for their _eyes_. That’s stupid.”

Shisui finally responds with a rusty laugh and ruffles his hair. “Alright. I get it. It’s just that no one cared that much before.”

He crosses his arms, knowing Shisui can feel the movement, if not see it, and huffs again. “Of course I care! I’m your alpha!”

“Uh-huh.” Shisui chuckles and musses his hair again. “And you’ll be washing out this shirt since you got it all gross.”

“Ew.” Naruto opines, wrinkling his nose, but obediently takes the shirt when Shisui hands it over, and trudges over to a stream a ways off that they use for washing clothes. He supposes that since Shisui let him cry all over him, he can wash his shirt for him, even if it was really due for washing already and Shisui’s just blaming the tears and snot for all the dirt so he can get out of washing it himself.

~

Shikamaru sighs and glances up in the tree. “You might as well come down. I can feel you up there.”

There is a brief pause, then the shadow lurking in the tree above him drops down. On top of him. Shikamaru _oophs_ but it’s obviously something the boy has had practice with, because he can still breathe and the impact wasn’t _actually_ painful. Just…now he’s sort of regretting saying anything, because he gets a brief whiff of juvenile alpha before the kid pulls it back under control. _Troublesome._ See, his best friend/brother in all but blood Chouji is an alpha too. Chouji may be the most laid back alpha in existence, but this one obviously isn’t, and like most betas, Shikamaru is a bit weak against alphas. Of course, that goes both ways, but…

“How did you feel me? Are you a sensor?”

_Him?_ Shikamaru represses a snort. “I could feel your shadow. It doesn’t match the tree’s shadows.”

“Oh, oh! Are you one of those shadow users, the…um. The ones with the deer clans?”

Shikamaru squints at him. “Yeah, I’m a Nara. Shikamaru.”

“That’s so cool! Believe it! Oh, hey, why are you looking at the sky all the time out here? Is there something special up there?”

He shrugs one shoulder slightly. “I’m cloud watching. That’s the life, y’know. Just drifting along, no responsibilities.”

“M’kay.” The alpha kid says after a long moment, then collapses onto him, making it a bit hard to breathe. “You cloud watch, I’ll keep you safe.”

_Ugh, troublesome. He definitely should have kept his mouth shut._ But on the other hand, if he has to accidentally attract the attention of a random, unknown alpha and be claimed for his pack, he supposes one who smells of home, of deep forest and fur, isn’t too bad. _Even if Chouji does get upset about it, which he probably will._

~

Honestly.

Women are scary as hell.

His mother had taken one sniff, a quick look, and then hugged him until he almost passed out, cooing about her little boy was growing up, and then proceeded to lecture him on proper treatment of his new alpha. _At length._ His dad, _the traitor_, had given him a sympathetic look and then moseyed on out before his wife noticed his existence.

That was bad enough, of course, because _women are troublesome_, but more or less expected. But _Ino-!_

Why is she yelling at _him_ just because _she_ hasn’t been claimed by an alpha first?

Chouji shares a chip with him in commiseration. And Chouji, yeah, Chouji had been pissed for a few seconds, until Shikamaru reminded them that they have a familial-type pack bond no matter what. Now they’re just both enduring Ino.

Finally, Shikamaru tells her, “Sasuke is a beta too. It’s not like he can alpha-claim you.”

“I KNOW THAT!!!” she screeches.

_Holy shit, how did his eardrums even survive that!?_

“I don’t _want_ Sasuke to claim me like that! You’re an idiot!”

_Apparently so, because he’s now totally confused._

Then something drops out of the tree and scares them all half to death. A moment later, his brain resolves the blur into his alpha hanging from a branch by his knees and he feels rather silly for his instinctive duck and roll.

“You’re hurting my ears being so screechy.” His alpha complains, then drops down where Shikamaru had been sitting a moment before.

“Who are you?” Chouji demands in a hard tone, not relaxing from his battle ready stance he’d ended up in when he’d reacted to the sudden appearance.

“Ah…” His alpha scratches his head sheepishly, and then laughs a little. “I guess you can call me ‘Kyo’.”

_That’s obviously a fake name, but…_ He snaps his fingers. “Kyo? Like the kid Iruka sensei chases down for classes sometimes, even though he’s not in his classes?”

“Eh-heh-heh. Yeah, that’s me.” ‘Kyo’ admits. “Shisui-nii says I should go more often, but-”

“Wait, _you’re_ the alpha who claimed Shika? Why would you claim a lazy idiot like him!?” Ino asks, voice only slightly less shrill than before.

Kyo blinks at her in bafflement. “Why wouldn’t I? He can find me by my shadow. Besides, he knows how to be quiet. Aren’t you trying to be a ninja? How do you expect to sneak up on your prey if you’re screechy? Anyways. I just wanted to say hi to your brother and sister, Shikamaru. Your brother’s cool, but I think your sister could use some stealth training, ne? That’s all. Bye.”

Shikamaru wrestles his face out of its rictus of horror at the idea of Ino as his sister, and blinks blankly at the spot Kyo has disappeared into a puff of smoke in.

“Was that…a solid clone? Or is he really that fast?” Chouji asks after a moment, over Ino’s continuing choked, indignant sputters.

“I…don’t know.” He admits. Either option is improbable for someone their age. Shadow clones take enough chakra that his dad has forbidden him from even trying to learn the technique until after he makes chunin. And as far as he knows, shunshin is something they only teach after Academy at earliest, and tends to leave swirling leaves behind, not puffs of smoke. Slightly more probable is another explanation. “Maybe he just figured out how to substitute himself with the nearest puff of smoke?”

Ino lets out a screech that scares off the birds in the nearby trees, then huffs and crosses her arms. “Okay, I can admit _that_ is a useful technique. Let’s all master it before we graduate.” She stomps off muttering, “Stupid geniuses and their stupid genius alphas.”

He exchanges a look with Chouji.

Chouji tips up his somewhat crumpled bag of chips and proceeds to pour the contents into his mouth, munching loudly in agitation.

Shikamaru sighs. _Yeah, there goes any chance of peace and quiet for the foreseeable future. Troublesome._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, after throwing a bunch of choices at a writing bot, I have decided on who Naruto will be paired with. Heads-up, it's a progression, and all the relationships are with older canon characters. He will eventually end up with an amicable, low-key multi relationship with two people who have little to no interest in each other. _(Yes, I did throw an Inuzuka OC around his age into the choices, thank you for the suggestion.)_ I'll add the tags at some point when I'm not actively yawning. Pairings for Kakashi, Itachi, and Anko have also been decided.  
Pairings for other characters I'm still open to suggestions, though. Platonic, semi-platonic, semi-sexual, or sexual. All are fine.
> 
> The Aburame 'Subaru's real name is Yoji, I believe, but Subaru was the one he used under Danzo. Canonically Itachi killed him for killing Shisui. I dunno if canon Shisui told him about that part, or if he figured it out some other way, but in this AU Shisui didn't tell him and he doesn't find out, so Naruto gets the somewhat traumatic 'privilege' of killing him instead.
> 
> Unedited, feel free to point out typos.


	4. It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisame pov, Genma pov, Tobi pov, Shino pov. They all start with what seemed like good ideas. At the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to go into the alpha claims, protectees, and bite claims stuff a little bit more in the notes, but my sister managed to lurk behind my shoulder this morning and set off my heebie-jeebies and anxiety _spectacularly_ this morning. So I’m just…gonna post this and think about wording and shit when my hands aren’t literally shaking for no reason.
> 
> Not edited.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but even Kisame can admit that living for an ideal only carries one so far once the means for it are removed from reach. And when one’s leader has no more interest…well. Pein and freaky paper girl have just kind of drifted out of Akatsuki, more interested in solutions they can implement than a dream they won’t see come to fruitation. Hidan and Kakuzu had a loud fight a while back and went their separate ways and Madara just kind of waved it off.

Orochimaru decamped practically immediately, and everyone just kind of breathed a sigh of relief, because really, no one wants to end up as a mad scientist’s experiment.

Tobi’s acting like someone took his crazy and gave it bad liquor before handing it back. It’s getting to be a little much, really. Even the weird plant guys have apparently lost interest, though Kisame can’t say he regrets not having to interact with them. _Seriously. Cannibals. Although does it count if one isn’t human to begin with? _Fuck. He’s starting to sound philosophic like those art freaks, who only stick around so they can squabble with each other.

Which leaves…him and his partner. Who could kill Kisame in his sleep without trying, most likely. The kid’s something of a monster. Not that Kisame minds, really. At least he’s a polite one and lacks a large portion of the crazy the others have.

“So, Itachi. How do you feel about the idea of going back to being simple nukenin?”

Itachi looks up from his tea and dango with a surprised expression and blinks at him for a long moment, before replying calmly, “I believe that the idea pleases me.”

From the Uchiha, that’s practically a rousing chorus of hallelujahs.

Kisame snorts. “We can send these ridiculous robes back with Tobi next time he pops up.”

“And the rings.” Itachi agrees, going back to his tea and dango with more enthusiasm than Kisame’s ever seen from him before.

_But first order of business, they’re going to get rid of the ugly nail polish that makes Kisame look like a very ill shark and Itachi like a particularly good looking walking corpse._

~

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now Genma is somewhat regretting his impulse to henge into Iruka and catch the elusive little alpha brat. Mostly because the brat has stopped squawking and flailing suddenly, and twisted around so he’s _sniffing_ Genma’s arm.

He turns suspicious eyes on Genma. “You’re not Iruka sensei!”

“Maa, maa…”

The suspicion turns into an outright glower and Genma sighs and drops the henge.

“Right you are. Funny thing, though, I don’t think you’re a ‘Kyo’, either. So how about you tell me who you really are and why you’re in Konoha?”

Weirdly, the kid sniffs his arm some more before replying. “I’m not supposed to say. But you smell kind of…familiar? Like family a bit? I’m keeping you.”

Genma blinks blankly, then has a rush of understanding as he remembers the brat is a juvenile _alpha_, and Genma is most certainly a beta _(no matter what clucking noises Aoba likes to make)_. By then, it is a little too late and he is yelping and jerking away as the brat sinks too-sharp teeth into his bicep and pushes…well not medical chakra, but…_healing intent?_ into the wound, healing it even as Genma reflexively drops him and shakes him off. He gives Genma a smug grin, then darts away in a shunshin that he probably shouldn’t be able to do at his age.

_Well…that did not go as intended._ With a sigh, he gives up on the notion of continuing the chase. _Let Iruka deal with the brat._

Instead, he pokes at the far-too-healed wound curiously, studiously ignoring the fact that some _unknown alpha brat_ has _bite-claimed _him. Which really? _Rude._ Bite claims are a pain in the ass to shake off _(and that’s assuming one is good at shaking off alpha claims, which Genma is most definitely not)_, and generally only used on enemies that an alpha doesn’t really want to kill, besides being considered rude enough that they’d been considered archaic and obtuse even in the _Warring Clans Era_.

Genma is _most certainly_ not dwelling on it. _At all._ He’s just…okay, obsessing on it a bit.

~

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now Tobi is seeing that Madara’s plans were short-sighted. _(The original Madara, not the Tobi-Madara.)_ Tobi sees now that Zetsu, whatever it is, is not an extension of Madara’s will. Or at least, not in the way he thought. Perhaps Zetsu’s new plans will be better, but Tobi does not like the fact that Zetsu no longer seems to think that Tobi is important to the plans. Zetsu is keeping poor Tobi out of the loop!

Tobi is- Tobi is-! Tobi is _upset!_ Yes, that’s it. Tobi is upset.

All his planning and hard work for nothing! And those he gathered to help him are now scattering by ones and pairs! Even Tobi’s little cousin who doesn’t know they are related has decided to turn his back on Madara’s plans. Tobi is a good boy, though, so he takes the offered robes and rings back to the Akatsuki base _without_ having a sad, screaming fit. Yes he does!

Zetsu, of course, is nowhere around. Too bad for Zetsu. Tobi is a good boy, but that doesn’t mean he’s stupid. No it doesn’t! He pops the two bijuu jars into his Kamui and then wanders around until he finds Sasori and Deidara arguing over art.

Tobi dumps a robe and ring on each of them and announces brightly, “Madara has decided that he no longer wants to be Madara, and Tobi is leaving too! So you can decide which of you can be the next Madara! Oh, and Itachi and Kisame quit playing yesterday, so you won’t have to fight them for it. Tobi says goodbye now!”

He disappears into Kamui with a giggle. Then as an afterthought, strips off his robe and ring and dumps them out of Kamui so they bounce off of Deidara’s head.

Well then, Tobi is free. What should Tobi do now? Hmmn!

Oh wait! Tobi needs a new mask!

He strips off the mask as well, this time being sure to bounce it off of Sasori’s puppet-head. In interests of equality, of course.

Obito stares around Kamui for several minutes, rather blankly, then his mouth curls into a silent snarl. Zetsu had _lied_ to him. _Madara_ had lied to him! Forget Zetsu’s bland reassurances. One little thing gone wrong and all of Obito’s years and hard work for nothing? Like hell! He can find another way of reaching the dream Madara had taught him, but Zetsu? Obito’s going to sabotage the fuck out of whatever squirrely plans the plant thing is coming up with. Plants do _not_ get to lie to Obito and go on their merry way to thrive after leaving his plans in a shamble. No they do not!

Besides, he’s never liked the way the plant seems to think humans are tasty snacks, convenient corpse disposal aside. He wonders if Orochimaru can be convinced to come up with a weed-killer for intelligent, chakra-using plants, then decides against it, since the crazy sannin _might_ just decide to test it on _Obito_. Suicidal, he is not.

~

It seems like a good idea at the time.

“You should just come out. Why? Because my kikaichu are curious as to why your chakra smells like a tree, but tastes like human and bijuu. Also, I would like the answer to this question.”

Shino waits patiently, until the tree rustles a bit and a boy slides down the trunk to stare at him curiously.

“I thought Aburame considered it rude to let their bugs eat chakra from those who aren’t enemies?”

“Normally this is true. But in your case, my kikaichu were merely curious as to why a ‘tree’ felt funny under their feet. They then reported back to me once they realized that you were not a tree, but a human under a henge. The slight was unintentional. And now they are curious. Why? Because they have never encountered a human who can feel like a tree, before.”

The other boy considers him thoughtfully, then shrugs. “All you have to do is match your chakra output to mimic a tree’s. Even I can do it, and my chakra control is pretty bad.”

“I see. That is a curious skill. It does seem useful. My name is Shino Aburame.”

There is a pause as the boy looks uncomfortable, then apparently makes a decision. “You can call me ‘Kyo’. Can you not tell anyone about the bijuu thing, please?”

Shino blinks in surprise.

Then he inclines his head in agreement. “I can do you this favor. Why? Because I would like to ask a favor from you, as well. My kikaichu inform me that you are an alpha. My father has recently informed me that it is dangerous for beta Aburame to go out on missions without being claimed by an alpha, because it is common for other villages to attempt to force a chakric claim on unclaimed Aburame betas in an attempt to get their hands on our bloodline. My father’s alpha is the current Inuzuka clan head. However, both her heirs are betas, and I do not wish to go unprotected. As well, this arrangement need not be permanent. Why? Because by the time I make jounin, I should be skilled enough to adequately protect myself, and I would not share your secret even after our deal is concluded.”

Kyo stares at him with a confused expression for a while, then shakes his head. “I guess I’m kind of stupid. Did all that mean you want to join my pack? Cuz I think it’s cool your bugs can figure out stuff like that, and I think it’d be good to have you in my pack.”

Shino pauses, then inclines his head again. “Yes. I wish to join your pack. My kikaichu also agree that it would be a good idea.”

A few minutes later, when Kyo has hesitantly chakra claimed him and then retreated back into the trees, well…

Shino is _positive_ that it was a good idea. He is also sure that his father will share his assessment of the matter. Why? Because it is rare to find anyone, alpha or beta, who is not creeped out by the Aburame colonies, and such things are important when accepting an alpha, whether on a permanent or temporary basis. They are, of course, _more_ important for Shino, who is the clan heir and will one day be responsible for the safety of the entire clan.

Besides, his kikaichu approve of the warm chakra flecked with trace amounts of bijuu chakra. Something about ‘abundant’ and ‘more nourishing’. They practically thrum with the conviction that _this_ alpha will become strong enough to protect the entire Aburame hive/clan if he continues to be willing to keep Shino in his pack. And while the opinions of insects often do not coincide with human needs, it is quite a statement indeed from a species that can swarm and drain an enemy of chakra within a couple minutes. He can see why Kyo wishes to keep this a secret, even beyond the oddity of _‘the bijuu thing’_ lurking in his chakra. It would attract the same sort of enemies that Aburame do, before he is strong enough to defend himself properly from the more powerful ones.

Perhaps he should devote some time to coming up with tactics that would benefit them if they are to continue this alliance. Why? Because his father has been very firm on the fact that one’s alpha should never feel that keeping them in the pack is a less than a good idea because it can lead to unwanted tensions and deep miscommunications with devastating results. Or even being ejected from the pack. Which is less than ideal if one’s alpha is worth keeping to begin with.

_Shino plans to keep this one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obtuse – not quick or alert in perception, feeling, or intellect; **dull, blunt, unfeeling, tactless, insensitive**: _an obtuse statement made without considering its effect_; slow, dim; **boorish**; indistinctly felt or perceived, as pain or sound
> 
> **Akamichi pack, some members, Choza’s:**  
Choza’s wife, _(using voice actor’s name for her)_ Chiharu Akamichi-  
Inoichi Yamanaka-  
Inoichi’s wife, _(using voice actor’s name for her)_ Noriko Yamanaka-  
Shikaku Nara-  
Yoshino Nara- (pack second)  
Ino Yamanaka-  
Chouji Akamichi-  
Shikamaru Nara-
> 
> **Akamichi pack, some members, Chouji’s:**  
Ino Yamanaka- (Eventually his pack second)  
Shikamaru Nara-
> 
> **Uzumaki pack, so-far decided members, current and future, Naruto’s:**  
Shisui Uchiha- (pack second) _(by suggestion, pairing: Zabuza)_  
Kakashi Hatake- _(pairing/s decided)_  
Iruka Umino- This claim is not particularly deliberate, but gets stronger over time and repeated interactions.  
Shikamaru Nara- _(by suggestion, pairing: Hinata)_  
Genma Shiranui-  
Itachi Uchiha- _(pairing/s decided)_  
Kisame Hoshigaki-  
Obito Uchiha-  
Shino Aburame-  
Mioki Tasagure- female OC, beta. Fill member for Naruto’s position in Team 7. Originally a temporary protectee of the pack following events of Forest of Death, somehow ends up as pack. Kind of an idiot and a Sasuke fangirl.  
Anko Mitarashi- _(pairing/s decided)_  
Higana Saitou- female OC, beta. Eventually Kakashi’s permanent gf.  
Saki- female wolf, of Wolf Wood pack  
Raguza- male wolf, of Wolf Wood pack  
1\. Redacted  
2\. Redacted  
**Protectees of pack:**  
Sasuke Uchiha- beta, permanent protectee following events of Forest of Death but not actually part of the pack  
Sakura Haruno- beta _(Inner is just the bitchy side of her, doesn’t carry alpha designation)_, temporary protectee of pack following events of Forest of Death.
> 
> **Yamashiro pack, Aoba’s:**  
undetermined, suggestions welcome
> 
> ~
> 
> 1 in 20, or 5% of humans are alphas. 19 of 20, or 95% of humans are betas. Human sense of smell is a bit enhanced, enough so that they can smell and differentiate pheromones.
> 
> One does not require an alpha to make a pack, and most forms of packs lack the inclusion of an alpha.  
Both betas and alphas can make either pheromonal or chakric claims on others.  
Such claims can be hidden in various ways for mission safety.  
Such claims may also be rejected or revoked.
> 
> Alpha and beta are physical designations, not personality, though there are some aspects of personality endemic to alphas. Betas may have similar personalities. Alphas may have personality traits that disguise the ones common to all alphas. _(Some of them are complete and utter scum of the earth personality wise.)_
> 
> Alpha and beta are not sexual designations. Alphas do go through mild ruts twice a year, but they may be alleviated by pack cuddles if no sexual partner has been designated. Sexual partners may or may not belong to the pack. Betas joining an alpha’s pack generally need have no nervousness of being a sexual interest, though it does happen occasionally. Betas of certain clans may have overt alpha characteristics, but do not have the telltale alpha pheromones.
> 
> Alphas and betas can be told apart from a young age. Usually age 2 yrs is considered a bit late. Rarely, it can be as late as three or four. Rarely, it can be told as early as 3 months-Naruto was one of these rare exceptions. The Kyuubi’s rampage actually caused an epidemic of early expression in reaction to the feel of his malicious chakra.
> 
> Omega is not a sexual designation. It is a designation for those who are outcasts and lack any form of pack support. Either alphas or betas can end up as omegas. Some, but not all, may be semi-feral or feral as a reaction to their situation. Omegas may be adopted into packs of any sort or placed under the protection of one. Omegas who join alpha packs tend to recover from the social isolation faster. Omega alphas may start claiming betas to stabilize their mental state if there’s opportunity.
> 
> Generally it’s considered more polite to inquire who is in one’s pack specifically than to parse it from pheromonal or chakric…smudges, for lack of a better word, that comprise claims. Pack members who spend a lot of time in proximity to each other tend to have mixed scents and even the chakric claims tend to become so much a part of one that it gets hard to parse exactly what part was there originally and what part is just swirled into the original. At least, hard without rudely smelling someone up close or poking at their chakra.


	5. Curiosity and Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru is curious. Genma is furious. Naruto is nervous. Itachi has a rough day. Kisame has a weird day. Shino is not curious.
> 
> _And the author literally runs out of note space._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, pheromonal claims. Pheromones are basically scent hormones. Basically one would leave a dusting on people one is around a lot, because they get in the air too. Naturally, this can be showered off, etc. However, with more physical contact, they kind of get rubbed into each other’s skins enough to start mixing scents. This doesn’t really wash off, but is pretty easily disguised with scent blocking products. However, lack of contact will cause these to fade within few weeks at most.  
In general, they are more of a precursor, or parallel, to chakric claims rather than a standalone thing.
> 
> Chakric claims. Hm. Let’s use paint as a metaphor.  
So, for loose packs, where the people are basically casual friends who help each other out sometimes and share gossip, it’s along the lines of smudges of chakra left on each other. Say person 1 had red chakra and person 2 had white chakra. Person 1 would have smudges of white and person 2 would have smudges of red. The colors don’t mix, but they do very faintly affect the outer layer of chakra signature. These change easily over time as people lose and gain friends, etc. They don’t have a lot of staying power.  
If one of your casual friends became a closer friend, the smudges would gradually get bigger and more prevalent, more like a stain that’s hard to get rid of than an easily wiped away smudge. This is also the case with close packs. No amount of distance and time will entirely erase these unless they choose to let go of that person. _(This is the sort of chakra claim on Shikamaru and Shino.)_ They generally fade away after a person dies, though, because clinging to a dead person’s chakra isn’t exactly healthy, mentally and emotionally. Whether the chakra stains fade away entirely or are retained as lingering wisps _(such as Genma with the remnants of his former alpha Minato’s chakra_) is up to the individual. Again, the stains do not change the color of the original chakra, but they can mix together thinly enough over time that it can be confusing without a close inspection of an individual’s chakra _(which is rude as hell)_.  
Then you have what Naruto does to Kakashi. Which is basically like dumping a full bucket of chakra paint into a system so low on its own chakra that it basically muffles the original chakra almost entirely until it recovers to its normal levels. Then it sticks around as gaudy splashes all over Kakashi’s chakra. It’s not going to go away or be subtle at all unless Kakashi actively does something about it or actively rejects the claim. Even then, he’d have a hell of a fight on his hands, because Naruto _intended _to claim him, not just _fix_ him. If it was unintentional as a claim, it’d be easier for him to get rid of. And if no claim was intended, it would fade on its own unless Kakashi actively hung onto it. _(Of course, Kakashi has no intention of getting rid of the claim and is quite pleased with it.)_  
Then there are bite claims. Which are the equivalent of poking a hole into someone’s chakra and injecting a cupful of chakra paint. Because they are intentional, and more or less ‘under the surface’ of one’s original chakra, they are much like the claim on Kakashi _extremely_ hard to get rid of if one wishes to reject them. _(Picture the person with white chakra now having a showy splash of red chakra glowing through the spot where the bite claim is made.)_ For someone like Genma, who has trouble rejecting claims in the first place, particularly alpha claims, such a claim is _nigh impossible_ to reject. Bite claims are almost always initiated by alphas _(cuz of the sharper teeth thing that makes it more feasible for them)_ and almost always considered _fucking rude_ because it’s rarely done with prior permission. It’s considered _so rude_ that it was looked down on as a _barbaric practice_ even back in the Warring Clans era.
> 
> Now, the reason an alpha’s claim is protection is two-fold.  
First, a beta claimed by another alpha is very hard to forcibly claim if they do not wish to be. For whatever reason, it makes the ‘intrusive’ claims more or less just slide off.  
Second, no one wants to deal with a pissy alpha in protective mode because they’re kind of neurotic when it comes to protecting pack. Or avenging mode. It’s like dealing with a headcase permanently stuck in terrier mode, even with the normally sane and sweet ones. And the patient ones are _so much worse._ Far less hassle to just avoid the whole mess. This is why temporary claims work too. And why Kakashi can successfully bluff people who assume he’s an alpha by implying claims.  
**(Explanation continued below cuz space issues.) **  
Not edited.

Shikamaru is…a bit puzzled, perhaps. Sadly for Shikamaru, puzzlement equals curiosity that won’t go away until satisfied.

“Hey, dad. Who would you think of if someone said the name Shisui?”

His dad glances up briefly from a treatise of star charts on navigation and movements of celestial bodies over the centuries. “Hm? Living, you mean? Probably Shisui Hatakawa.”

“Does he have a younger brother?”

“Him? No. No family at all.”

“What about someone who might call him nii-san?”

Shikaku looks up with a dry expression. “Definitely not. The man is anti-social and never talks to anyone outside of required reports for his R&D work, and even then prefers to give written reports. He dislikes people and is quiet enough that he sometimes scares people who have tuned his presence out when they notice him.”

“Wow.” Shikamaru didn’t know _anyone_ could be that curmudgeonly. “What about dead?”

His dad freezes for a moment, then asks, “What’s this about, Shikamaru?”

“Just curious about something my alpha said. He referred to a ‘Shisui-nii’, but that’s a really uncommon name, right?”

Shikaku’s face does something complicated, then he puts his book down. There’s the feel of his dad’s cool, deeply organized chakra sliding over his for a moment, analyzing carefully before peeling back. “I see. Shikamaru, if your alpha is who I think he is, this is something that only the Hokage knows and neither of us should know anything about it.”

He grimaces. Growing up as the Jounin Commander’s son, he knows what that means. _S ranked secret or above. Great. _“So, I need to quit asking questions before it gets people killed?”

“Yes. I doubt that the Hokage would have _you_ killed, but that doesn’t mean those around us are safe. And there are many things that can be done to you that don’t involve killing or maiming you.” _And I can only protect you from so much,_ goes unsaid.

Shikamaru sighs deeply. _Yeah, he’s definitely not touching that with a stick._ “Alphas are troublesome, aren’t they?”

His father barks a laugh, then goes back to his book. “They certainly can be.”

~

Genma may be doing his level best to impale the silver haired bastard who had suddenly leaned into his space in public, taking a curious sniff and an even more curious set of pokes at his chakra, then burst out laughing fit to die before announcing to everyone that at least Genma has good taste in alphas before going back to laughing at him. _Kakashi. Hatake. Is. Going. To. Die._

If he can catch him even once, of course.

That’s not as probable as he’d like to think. They aren’t that far apart in age, but while Genma is a high class bodyguard, Kakashi has gone the ANBU route and he’s heard _rumors_ about his reputation. Not to mention that Gai continues to think of him as a rival and Kakashi continues to prove this conception is correct. No one who can keep up with Gai is anything but the best.

His eyes narrow in determination.

“Maa, maa, Genma, don’t be like that.” Kakashi chides in a tone of complete amusement. “It’s not nice to try to kill packmates.”

Genma scowls. “We haven’t been ‘packmates’ since Minato’s chakra left your signature.”

He knows this isn’t fair. Hatake had alienated himself from the pack out of grief over his lost teammates while Minato was still alive, so there had been hardly anything for him to cling to in the first place, and everyone knows how much that grieves him even now, since he’s shitty at hiding it. _(Sometimes when he’s drunk, he just comes up and sniffs Genma for a while before passing out, for the scent of long-gone pack alpha. Genma’s <strike>the best at</strike> the worst about holding onto the chakra of lost pack members, after all.)_

“But now we are again. Isn’t it lovely?”

He makes sure to send three of his extra deadly senbon at him for the taunt.

Then the meaning of the words catches up to him midair and he almost face-plants into a tree. “That brat who only Iruka can catch is the alpha who had you so chakra drunk that no one wanted to get within ten feet of you for a _week!?_”

“Oh, so chakra drunk _is_ a thing. The medics said it wasn’t.”

_Of course that’s what the socially awkward genius would take away from it. But that wasn’t a denial, either._ Which means…Kakashi’s been smug all this time at being claimed by _a kid?_ Okay, that’s weird even for him, but whatever. This means he has a valid excuse to sedate an unsuspecting Kakashi any time he wants. Because _obviously_ pack members have the right and duty to drag in pack members who dodge their routine medical appointments.

“We coined the term just for you.” Genma informs him absently, already planning how much <strike>revenge</strike> amusement he can get out of this.

~

Naruto is eleven. This isn’t a big deal, but Saki and Raguza have informed him that they are taking him to the summons realm to speak with the packs that live there. They don’t give him a reason, though, so Naruto is pretty confused. Excited, but confused. Shisui is no help, either. He just grins and gives him a jaunty little wave that tells him whatever is going on isn’t _bad_, but might not be something he really wants to encounter either.

There is an odd sensation of not-movement that draws an obviously still-asleep rumble of discontent from his tenant. Then smoke poofs away from them and Naruto almost staggers at how thick the chakra is here. It’s not _bad_, just startling.

There are…a lot of wolves staring at them. More than one pack worth, he can tell. He resists the urge to back away and digs his fingers deeper into Saki’s and Raguza’s fur for a moment before controlling his nervousness. _What the…?_

Fortunately, they apparently are not here to interact with the massive gathering of wolves, and he is taken to see a single, very large _(but not as large as a few of the other wolves scattered around),_ black and grey, bad-tempered looking wolf, who stares at him like he can see right through his soul. Naruto experiences the urge to lower his head or expose his throat and whimper for mercy, but has the feeling that would be a terrible idea. One that would make Saki bite him and Raguza give him a deeply disappointed look. So he keeps his chin level and doesn’t avert his gaze, and resolutely swallows down the urge to whine.

Finally the wolf huffs and lowers his head to his paws. “Take him to OoJomei.”

Naruto doesn’t know whether that means he passed or failed whatever unspoken test this is. Raguza looks smug, though. So it’s probably good?

He doesn’t know what he expects, but Oo-Jomei is _definitely not_ another pack Boss Summons. No, OoJomei is a _kami_. Strangely, his presence is as comforting as it is frightening and Naruto isn’t _scared_, but the sheer _weight_ of the wolf kami’s presence awakens his tenant. The Kyuubi’s snarl of startled hostility is so loud that his ears ring with it and it’s hard to believe that everyone didn’t hear the menacing subterranean sound, then it seems to still in wary unease that makes Naruto’s skin prickle in sympathy.

“Peace, Kurama.” OoJomei speaks suddenly, but in a calm tone. “I mean neither you nor your human container any harm.”

There is the chakra equivalent of a huff from within and then a sense of tension relaxing. _Okay, then._

“Wait. Kyuubi isn’t his name?” He blurts.

“No.” The kami rumbles in amusement. “Kyuubi no Kitsune is a title given by humans. His name is from his father, the Sage of Six Paths. Kurama is much more than a mindless accumulation of chakra and malice. You would do well to treat him as such.”

“Oh.” Naruto says in a small voice, vague memories rising of how being treated as less deserving of kindness than the other kids in the orphanage felt. “I will. I didn’t know.”

OoJomei nods slightly, then addresses Raguza and Saki. “Tavest and Keurik will do well with him.”

“Yes, OoJomei-sama.” They reply in very respectful tones, then usher Naruto back the way they came.

After that, he is shown a summoning scroll to sign, and introduced to Tavest and Keurik.

Tavest is a tannish wolf with a livid, long-healed weapons scar on his muzzle and another on his shoulder. His default posture is battle-ready, but he has a sense of humor and isn’t half as twitchy as Naruto assumes to begin with. Keurik is a dark smoky black color and has a scar across his skull and one ear, and another on his flank, both of which are only noticeable because the fur grew back in as a muddy white. His personality is dark and bitter, but underneath it he is kind, and while his normal posture is relaxed to the point of indolence, he can move with a speed that rivals Shisui.

They are, apparently, to be his own personal summons. Though he has a lot of work ahead of him before he can summon them easily at will, according to them.

~

The slower pace that being independent nukenin has allowed them to set has been good for Itachi, but Kisame can still see him slowly getting worse by the day. It’s a kami blessed miracle that the kid hasn’t keeled over and died on him yet, though the Uchiha is so stubborn that it’s possible the Shinigami is just ignoring him out of self-preservation.

Itachi wavers slightly and Kisame stops and sighs. “Sit down. I’ll find us something to eat and make camp.”

It’s telling that Itachi does not argue with him or ignore him and simply finds a seat on a convenient flat, low-set rock surrounded by soft ground covered in grass.

Time to hunt some rabbits or something. He’d fish, but freshwater fish taste disgusting to him and he’s not _that_ desperate. Come to think of it, hadn’t he seen some deer tracks a few minutes back? That’d be more efficient, since he can just use a water jutsu to flash-dry the leftovers into jerky.

~

Naruto has taken to exploring further afield these days than just Konoha. Shisui says it’s better if he knows more about the world than just the Wolf Wood and Konoha even if he doesn’t want to be a ninja. Albeit, Shisui himself doesn’t like to leave the Wolf Wood simply because his blindness puts him at a disadvantage in unfamiliar environs. The wolves don’t mind exploring with him, though. Saki in particular enjoys it.

So he’s actually several days away from Konoha when he spies someone who looks interesting, and pounces on him to sniff curiously. “Oh! You smell like Shisui! Are you Itachi?”

The man under him tenses with sudden hostility, making him realize belatedly that he has been carefully relaxed and keeping his hands in plain sight despite being surprised. “I am.”

Then Itachi’s eyes start to swirl to red, Naruto flicks his nose because _no thank you, not dealing with freaky eyes,_ and Itachi is startled into a coughing fit. Surprise has Naruto running a clumsy medical diagnostic, then flinching back in near horror. “You’re sick! How come you’re so sick? Not even Shisui was sick like this and he was _nearly dead_ when Taiki-nii pulled him out of the river for me. Ugh! Are all Uchihas this dumb?”

“I don’t- I’m not-” Itachi struggles to reply, tone bewildered.

Naruto _hmmphs_ and then shoves _healing intent_ chakra into Itachi’s system full force, _which really_ is a _lot_ more chakra than he could use at age six or nine and judging by Itachi’s reaction hurts like hell, but he honestly can’t bring himself to care about causing him a little pain to make sure he _lives_. No way is he allowing one of Shisui’s two living relatives to die by way of stupidity. They’d had to put him on suicide watch for more than _two months_ after Naruto had found out about the massacre on one of his excursions to Konoha and told him about it. He frowns as he remembers that Itachi had felt like he _had_ to carry out the massacre and realizes that maybe this slow death by rotting lungs is his way of suicide _and oh no, no, no, that is absolutely not happening._ Absolutely not! Itachi is _his_ now, thank you very much, so this suicide nonsense can fuck off and bother someone else. Wait… Does this mean Sasuke is suicidal too? Is this an Uchiha thing? He’d better keep an eye on him just in case.

Ugh. He just doesn’t understand why Uchihas are so fragile about stuff. It’s not like being all gloomy makes life better, and giving up just _makes sure_ it won’t get better.

~

Kisame returns to the clearing in time to see Itachi roll over, dislodging some kid, and retch miserably into the grass, hacking up some extremely nasty looking stuff. The kid is rubbing Itachi’s back, so apparently that massive flare of chakra a moment ago wasn’t _hostile_, but…

The kid looks up suddenly, and before Kisame can blink the kid seems to disappear. _Seems, _because there is now two small sandaled feet standing on his shoulders and a child bent in half over his head to peer at his face. “How come you’re blue? Does it hurt? What are these?”

_Oh, this is why Itachi isn’t hostile to the kid. He’s a juvenile alpha and smells far too much of deep woods to be from any town or village._ “They’re gills, don’t poke at them. No, being blue doesn’t hurt. It’s a side effect from holding the shark contract. The gills let me breathe under water. Any other questions, brat?”

“Cool! I didn’t know that summoning contracts could do that!” The brat cocks his head in thought, then grins. “You’re Itachi’s pack, so I guess that means you’re my beta too.”

_What._

Kisame snorts. “Yeah, kid, nice try. I’ve yet to meet an alpha strong enough to make their claim stick. Slides right off my chakra, y’know? Besides, Samehada’s downright picky about the alphas she’s willing to let try to claim me.”

Samehada, who promptly makes a slurping noise as she sucks down some of the kid’s chakra and makes noises of approval. _Uh. Shit._

He drops his greedy sword and reaches to steady the kid as he staggers on his perch, but turns out that there’s no need.

The kid doesn’t pass out, just catches himself and flips over Kisame’s head to land on his feet and glower at the sword in disapproval and scold, “That was rude!”

Samehada just snickers.

_Yeah, whatever. He’s so not dealing with an argument between a child and a sentient sword._

“What did you do to Itachi, kid?” Itachi’s still hacking up disgusting looking goo, but at least there seems to be less of it now.

“Oh, that. He was dying, so I fixed him, cuz Shisui’s my beta and he’d cry again if Itachi died, y’know?”

“Uh.” _Who the fuck is Shisui?_

Itachi looks up at that and asks incredulously, “Shisui’s alive?”

“Well, duh. I fixed him too. How else would I know about you? Taiki-nii is right, Uchihas _are_ idiots.”

_Given that Itachi is a genius…_ Kisame snorts a laugh. “Yeah, they kind of are, aren’t they?”

“Uh-huh. Is your sword gonna let me try?”

_Try what? Oh._ “Sure, kid. She thinks your chakra is tasty. Don’t expect it to stick, though. A kid like you doesn’t have half enough chakra for that.”

For some reason, that makes Itachi pause in spitting out more chunks of goo to laugh. “Kisame, I’m pretty sure he just regenerated my lungs from scratch and reversed all the damage to my eyesight _without_ the benefit of medical chakra.”

_Oh. Wait. Really!!!? That’s…_

The kid scratches the back of his head in a sheepish manner. “Yeah, cuz my chakra control is too bad for medical chakra, cuz I’ve got too much, ‘ttebayo.”

_How the hell…? No, on second thought, he really doesn’t want to know._

“Whatever, kid. Go ahead and try. I better not end up on the ground spitting up black goo, though.”

This, surprisingly, makes the kid pause visibly, then approach Kisame in a tentative manner; he puts his hands on Kisame’s stomach, _because Kisame is tall and the kid is short for his probable age and that’s obviously the highest he can comfortably reach for this_, and then Kisame is being dowsed in so much chakra that it feels like being unexpectedly caught under a big wave. He sputters in shock as the deluge of chakra recedes and then realizes to a mixture of wonder and slight horror that the kid’s chakra claim is _sticking_ like white on rice.

_What the fuck!?_

No really. _What. The. Fuck._ Kisame is called the Tailless Beast for a _reason_.

“Kid, are you a jinchuuriki?”

“Well, yeah. I have the Kyuubi, but don’t tell anyone that. They’re not supposed to know, cuz it’s dangerous.”

Kisame and Itachi freeze and stare at him in shock. Idly, Kisame notes Itachi’s shock means that his report of the kid’s death wasn’t a lie on his part. Then, after a long moment, they both begin to laugh helplessly, not even trying to answer the kid’s confused look and demands as to why they are laughing.

_How is this even his fucking life? Of course it would be the kid that they were going to kill for a dream who would be the only alpha, the only person, capable of claiming both of them. He can’t even…! The irony…!_

~

Shino is not curious about his alpha. He knows he lives somewhere south of Konoha within a day’s journey, courtesy of his hive being curious. He knows ‘Kyo’ cannot possibly be his real name or appearance, and that while sometimes he is ‘Kyo’, sometimes someone else is, and they never seem to have any other commonality with his alpha or even know that he exists. Also courtesy of his hive being nosy.

Beyond this, he also knows that Shikamaru is also a member of his alpha’s pack. Again, courtesy of his hive’s curiosity. He thinks that Shikamaru may have some suspicion on the matter as well, but since he hasn’t asked, Shino has not bothered to confirm it for the Nara heir.

And he knows that his alpha stops by regularly to reaffirm his claim on Shino and has gradually gotten comfortable with the fact that despite housing a hive Shino is anything but fragile. This he knows by way of his own observation alone. Why? Because Kyo stops by every couple weeks and Shino ends up with a napping alpha draped over him for several hours. Sometimes it is the original, sometimes it is a solid clone. The latter he only knows because he accidentally dispelled one once. Fortunately Kyo was not upset by the occurrence.

Yes, there are questions he has. However, he is content in the knowledge that his alpha values him and his place within his pack. He also trusts that if there is something he truly wishes to know, that Kyo will tell him when and if it is safe to do so. Kyo, after all, is not a very subtle person, despite his skill in evasion and in evading detection to begin with.

So, no, he is not curious about his alpha.

He _is_ curious, however, about how Shikamaru came to his attention. While he does not question the wisdom of including the lazy genius in the pack, he is, well…lazy. Which truly does not seem like the sort of thing to attract Kyo’s attention _ever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because, okay, you may be able to kill that person, but can you kill that person and _survive_ when he (or she) is bound and determined to take you down with them from the other side of the grave if they have to before they give up and die? And if you survive, will you be intact enough for it to matter? Yeah, even high-powered not-entirely-sane ninjas tend to back off from that potential scenario, because there is such a thing as _just not worth it_.
> 
> ~
> 
> Poor Shika. His curiosity is doomed to persist.  
Shikaku, not wanting to bring the wrath of inadvertent security breech down on his son, just doesn’t mention that he knows what he’s surmised to the Hokage. He’s got the totally wrong end of the matter and thinks that this is something the Hokage put in place and should not be talked about _ever_. So Hiruzen and co remain ignorant.
> 
> Kakashi, of course, promptly tracks down this Iruka fellow, finds out Kyo is the kid he’s always tracking down and checks the kid out when he’s in class, only to find a Root member _(unknown to Kakashi, but obviously NOT his alpha)_ being Kyo that day and decides it must have been a case of mistaken identity on Genma’s part. He thinks it’s too amusing that Genma thinks their alpha is a kid to bother pointing it out to him, though. _(Years later, he will be glad of this. Lol.)_
> 
> Oo-Jomei/OoJomei “Wolf who spreads light”- Male. Almost faded entirely from human memory, due to lack of wolf sages and wolf summoners in recent decades. Personality is observant, wise, kind, patient, intimidating, crafty and ruthless at need. Does not get along with Jashin at all. Abilities unknown at this point.
> 
> Naruto’s internal rant is a pov of someone who has never considered suicide an option and doesn’t understand it.  
For suicidal people, having this said to their faces often makes them feel worse, because many times it’s not _about_ ‘it will get better’, it’s about struggling with irrational impulses, often backed up by logical reasons why it seems the world would be better off without them, and a poisonous stew of emotions that needs to be worked through as they have the mental fortitude to face them (forcing it can make it worse), and in some cases bio-chemical messes that require medication to ameliorate but which meds only _help_ with, not cure.  
It’s okay to tell suicidal people that it will get better, but _not_ to act like their attitude is the problem, because often that’s _only_ telling them that you’re invalidating all their efforts to get better. Just be there for them, change the subject if it gets too dark for you or tell them outright that talking about it is upsetting to you and you would like to talk about something else because bearing with it until you lose patience or your temper helps no one. Sometimes hugs and cuddles help a lot, sometimes giving someone space helps more, and if you’re not sure which is the case at the given moment, it’s okay to ask. If they’re upset to the point that they can’t tell you, break it down into simpler questions that they can nod or shake their heads to. No two people react identically to mental issues and no two days can be guaranteed to have the same reactions so asking is a good idea.  
Remember they are fighting a war against their own brains and that can take most or all of their mental energy, and they may not have enough left over to even _try_ to explain what upset them or what you can do to help. There is a good reason the phrase _‘the fog of war’_ exists, and sadly it applies to mental issues as well. As well, some people are very, very good at disguising what they go through, so if you have a friend who snaps bigtime over something inconsequential out of the blue and which makes literally no sense, your friend may be dealing with depression or worse and simply slipping up on pretending to be normal.  
So, anyways. Hopefully this can help someone. And I am going to stop talking about it for the moment, cuz _wow_ that got long.
> 
> When he’s done laughing himself sick, Kisame goes back and retrieves the deer he dropped when he felt the chakra flare.  
Itachi experiences another moment of existential _WTF_? when Saki shows up to retrieve Naruto and he realizes that Naruto has, in fact, been living with wolves for most of his life. He also is never going to let Kisame live down the fact that a kid was able to claim him.  
Kisame’s the really old-fashioned kind of guy who subconsciously doesn’t accept pack claims unless someone proves they are stronger than him; there are very, very few people capable of that, really. Basically Itachi and Naruto. _(He has NO idea what he’s gotten into with Naruto. None.)_


	6. Team 7 and Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without Naruto, Team 7 is a bigger disaster. Forget ticking time bomb, they implode on day 1. Kakashi gets out of teaching. Genma gets to amuse himself at the expense of others. The genin are a bit traumatized, but less of basket cases than in canon by the time Genma's had them a few months. Hiruzen wishes Konoha ninjas would quit giving him headaches and leave him to read in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I...started out with a list of scenes to write in this chapter. Got about halfway through before I glanced at the wordcount, did a doubletake, and called it good. So... Haha. Yeah, turned out Team 7 required a little more in depth than my brain had originally kicked out as viable scenes.

Kakashi looks at the blossoming bruise on Mioki-chan’s temple, and the better part of Sakura’s bento dribbling off the girl’s head and clothes while she and Sakura have a shrieking catfight over who is going to get Sasuke’s attention and marry him, then looks at the extremely sulky Uchiha half a training field away, determinedly keeping his back to the fight, and sighs.

“You all fail. Looks like giving you a second chance was a waste of my time. Sakura-chan, get that bruise looked at by a medic today to make sure you don’t have intestinal bleeding from the kick Mioki-chan landed on you earlier. Mioki-chan, I will be taking you to the hospital for that bruise on your temple, to make sure you don’t have any bleeding in the brain. As for you, Uchiha-kun…” He watches the boy’s shoulders tense. “If you ever wish to become a shinobi, perhaps you should contemplate exactly why Konoha’s strength is in teamwork.”

_He’s seen some crappy teamwork on genin teams in his time, but these three take the cake. One of these years the Hokage will give him a team with actual potential, not squabbling messes of pseudo-humanity who are better off as civilians even in the short run, never mind the long run because they wouldn’t survive that long._

Kakashi sighs again. He had at least expected the Uchiha to figure out the nature of the test. It wasn’t as if it was _that_ difficult. Even _he_ had figured it out, and he’d had an arguably worse attitude toward others at his age. Honestly, Konoha is _famed_ for its three-man teams. Even apprentices eventually end up in a team.

“All of you are disgraces who don’t have what it takes to be a ninja of Konoha.”

He cuts the now-crying Mioki-chan free, leaving the two other _children_ to their own devices, and shunshins her directly to the hospital. Failing genin wannabes is one thing, letting them die of potential complications from a concussion is another. If Sakura doesn’t bring herself in by evening, he’ll haul her in for a checkup too. _Annoying brats._

~

“Team 7.”

Kakashi glances up briefly and says in a flat tone, “Fail.”

Hiruzen sighs. “Kakashi…”

“I arrived at the training field to find the Uchiha attempting to sleep while the two girls argued in loud voices over who would marry Sasuke. I did not attempt to hide my arrival and greeted them. None of them noticed until the Uchiha opened his eyes after the girls started tussling and almost stepped on him. I then proceeded to give them the standard bell test which my own sensei used for my genin team. Rather than work together, the two girls agreed that their Sasuke would get a bell and proceeded to argue endlessly over who would get the other bell. And by endlessly, I mean for the duration of the test. The only modicum of anything resembling an attempt at teamwork was both girls jumping in front of Sasuke to defend him from apparent attacks. The Uchiha showed nothing but disgust for their attempts which several times blocked his own attacks and no inclination to help them in return in any manner. At one point, the arguing devolved into a physical tussle that ended with Mioki-chan kicking Sakura-chan quite hard in the stomach.”

He tucks away his book pointedly and continues in a grim tone, “My professional assessment of them is as follows. Uchiha Sasuke has the physical makings of a ninjutsu specialist, but is hotheaded and shows a truly frightening disregard of his companions’ wellbeing. I believe it exceeds my own attitude at that age by a fair amount and is not something I am capable of fixing. His stated goals are what one might expect: to repopulate his clan and to kill _‘a certain man’_. Tasagure Mioki has the makings of a taijutsu specialist, but is not particularly intelligent, too straightforward, and far too focused on her crush to make use of her innate potential. She is also slightly underweight, likely due to ‘dieting’. Haruno Sakura is noted to have a possible affinity as a genjutsu specialist but was easily caught in a C ranked genjutsu and made no attempt to break out of it, screaming until she fainted. She is fond of bright colors and loud and straightforward any time she isn’t trying to pretend to be a teacher’s pet. She is likely more suited for taijutsu specialist personality-wise, with a possible secondary in something that requires good chakra control. However, she is underweight, under muscled, and dangerously close to malnutrition. If she continues her ‘diet’ to be _‘thin for Sasuke’_ while attempting to undertake genin training, she will land herself in the hospital within a week.”

The Hokage looks discouraged at this, but presses, “And after they failed the bell test? If I recall it is your habit to give such teams a second chance.”

“After they failed the bell test, I allowed them a second chance, tying Mioki-chan to a post and giving the Uchiha and Sakura-chan a bento apiece, telling them not to share with their teammate. Which, yes, is my standard second chance test. Instead of showing any concern for Mioki-chan, the Uchiha promptly took his bento halfway across the training field and began to eat with his back to the girls. Sakura-chan and Mioki-chan, instead of being focused on the test parameters, began another verbal catfight over who was Sasuke’s future intended. Sakura, when provoked, claimed she was on a diet to be appropriately thin for Sasuke, and barely ate a third of her bento. Mioki-chan felt that if she wasn’t going to eat it, at least she could share, enraging Sakura-chan, who then punched Mioki-chan as hard as she was able in the temple and dumped the rest of her bento over her head. At that point, I failed them the second time, instructed Sakura-chan to seek medical attention for the kick to her stomach, and removed Mioki-chan to the hospital to check for possible vascular leakage or swelling in the affected area of the brain. However, Sakura-chan’s undesirable physical condition at the moment worked in Mioki-chan’s favor and she merely has external bruising and a nasty headache. If Sakura-chan does not seek medical attention as instructed, I will make certain she gets it. That is all.”

Hiruzen sighs and smokes his pipe for a moment. “Kakashi, you _cannot_ fail the last Uchiha.”

_Great. Politics. He should have expected it._

“I can and I have. I do not believe that this team has any potential. And quite honestly, they would all do better going back to the civilian population, _particularly_ the Uchiha.”

“Kakashi…”

“If you _must_ have Team 7 pass, find them a different teacher. I have nothing to teach them. I am _not_ Minato, Hokage-sama.”

The other jounin senseis are watching them like they want to place bets and eat popcorn.

“Very well.” Hiruzen sighs after a moment, laying down his pipe. “While failing Team 7 is an unacceptable outcome, I do respect your professional opinion, Kakashi. Team 7 will receive a new sensei, and a strike against them passing. If the new sensei also fails them, Team 7 will be dissolved and Sasuke Uchiha moved to a…hm. Less politically volatile position, shall we say? Do you believe either of the girls would have potential to work with a different team?”

He glowers for a moment, then relents. “Perhaps Mioki-chan. As for Sakura-chan, one would have to forcibly redirect her obsession first. Mioki-chan did not truly attempt to harm her teammate, but Sakura-chan showed no such hesitation.”

Hiruzen looks tired and old for a moment before blanking his face to its normal genial expression and nodding in acknowledgement. “Then if Team 7 is dissolved, Mioki-chan will be given a chance to stay in the genin corps with the possibility of joining a team which is short on members at some point in the future.”

_Kami, he hopes the brats fail._

~

Genma stares at Team 7, who look confused (Mioki), nervous (Sakura), and smug (Sasuke).

“Who the hell are you!? Where is Kakashi sensei? He’s late again, isn’t he!?” Sakura practically shrieks.

_Wow. Now he knows why Kakashi failed this bunch. Given Kakashi’s allergy to brats in general, it’s surprising he didn’t just up and hide the bodies of this particular ‘team’._

“Maa, maa, Kakashi isn’t your sensei any more. Congratulations. Your behavior managed to horrify one of Konoha’s top S ranked jounin into recommending that you all be banned from being ninja. That’s pretty impressive, by the way. Usually he just sends the failures back to Academy or the genin pool. However, since young Sasuke here is a politically volatile subject right now, it was determined that you all will receive _one_ last chance to work as a team. Kakashi failing you doesn’t automatically mean you will no longer be field ninjas. Unfortunately for you, if I fail you, that is not the case.”

Their expressions are torn between disbelieving and unsure.

“You, Uchiha, will be moved to a paperwork position. Pinkie will be placed in a civilian position. Civilian girl, you’ll be stuck in the genin pool for the rest of your career. Since Kakashi is my packmate, I’m fairly tempted to fail you all on principle.” He grins at their _‘oh shit!’ _expressions. Good. Maybe they have some inkling of how serious this is now. “Luckily for you three, the Hokage wishes to see you pass and has given me leave to correct your bad habits in any way I deem necessary. Which sounds like a lot more fun than simply failing you when you miserably fail to show any modicum of teamwork again. You can call me Genma sensei.”

They have the good sense to pale and keep their mouths shut. For all of thirty four seconds, that is.

“A-Ano, sensei? Do you want us to introduce ourselves now?” Mioki asks, tone a bit timid.

Genma snorts. “No thanks. I already know what your goals and dreams are. Lessee. For Sasuke-chan there, it’s…oh yes, repopulating his clan by unknown jutsu since he doesn’t want to touch any girl. Oh, and to follow in his brother’s kin-slaying footsteps.” He pointedly ignores the way Sasuke blanches and simultaneously glares at him murderously. “For Pinkie-chan and Mioki-chan it’s for you to be civilian-type broodmares for ‘dear Sasuke-kun’. As for me, I’m Genma Shiranui and you will hate me more than anyone you’ve met by the time I’m done with you, you will do everything I tell you whether you like it or not, and I’m the only thing between you and you all being washed out failures. Oh,” He snaps his fingers as if remembering. “And you have the option to drop out now. You have ten minutes to decide. I’ll be waiting over there.”

Ten minutes later, he ambles back. “Well? What will it be?”

“We’re not going to fail, Genma sensei!” Sakura asserts.

“Hn.”

“Team 7 doesn’t quit!” Mioki declares grandly.

He claps his hands together, startling them slightly. “Good, good. Now we go see the Hokage and you’ll sign some papers ensuring Konoha doesn’t get sued if you die or get maimed during training. Among other things. Let’s go!”

The stubborn jut of their rebellious little chins is amusing. _Aww, they think he’s playing mind games with them. So cute. So naïve. And here he was being nice and truthful and everything. _Well, they’ll learn. Sucks to be them.

~

Hiruzen eyes Team 7. Sakura is holding her bandaged right hand protectively against her torso, giving Genma tiny, wary sideways glances, her good hand circling Sasuke’s right wrist. Sasuke is blindfolded and looks haunted and hunched in on himself, not fighting the grips the girls have on his wrists. Mioki stands on his left, her right hand loosely circling his left wrist, and looking like she’s two blinks from falling asleep standing upright. “Hm. And how is Team 7 today, Genma?”

Genma smirks slightly, looking tired himself. “Mioki-chan needed a reminder that insensitive comments have consequences. Pinkie-chan needed a lesson on not abusing teammates. And Sasuke-chan is learning the skill of relying on his teammates’ judgement. They need a D rank.”

He decides he really _doesn’t_ want to know. As Hokage, he knows the value of a good dollop of strategic ignorance. “Ah. I believe the Tora catching mission is available.”

“That will do nicely.”

Mioki lets go of Sasuke, only to stop and grab his wrist again when the boy flails for a grip on her, lifting her free hand to rub at her face. “What’s a Tora?”

Genma chuckles and all three genin flinch. “Tora is the beloved pet cat of the Fire Daimyo’s wife. Recapturing him is a fairly common mission.”

Sasuke looks relieved. “I like cats.”

_Kami knows that sentiment will change fast if Genma intends on taking all the Tora missions for them._

~

Hiruzen eyes Team 7. These days they stand together like a three person unit instead of three brats with little regard for each other. It’s a vast improvement, easily noted. “So, have you come for the Tora catching mission again?”

“Saa…I think they’re ready for a C rank.”

The three genin give their sensei a look of shocked disbelief that is downright comical. “Is that so? Well, then. I think I have a few C ranks to choose from. There was one that came in yesterday… Ah, yes. The mission to Wave. Escorting a bridge builder to Wave.”

“Mmn… We’ll take it.”

~

Hiruzen eyes Team 7 and sighs. “Genma, is there a reason you brought me the Demon of the Mist and his minions trussed up like gifts instead of delivering them to T&I? And do I _want_ to know why Team 7 came home from a C ranked mission with an S ranked missing nin in tow?”

“Saa… About that, Hokage-sama.”

_He knows that tone. No, no, no. He wants a drink already. He’s definitely too old for this._

“Turns out the client lied.” Genma continues cheerfully. “The Demon Brothers ambushed us the second day out. Team 7 managed to incapacitate them with only minor injuries, and I decided that it was a good opportunity to give the genin experience in escorting unwilling captives. Two days later, Zabuza ambushed us. He proved to have serious resistance to poisons, but not immune to an obscure one I picked up in the Land of Iron. At that point, he appeared to be attacked by a third party, who claimed to be one of Mist’s hunter nin and made to take his body away. Naturally, I detained the individual for questioning, since hunter nin dispose of bodies on the spot. The individual proved to be his apprentice Haku. We continued to Wave and continued to protect the client while the bridge was built, since a man named Gato was attempting to keep a monopoly on Wave’s economy and trade with black market tactics, the locals were on the verge of starving, and the local lord has been friendly to Konoha’s interests previous to Gato seizing power. When Gato showed up with some mercenary rabble, the genin were able to eliminate them, thus completing our mission. Whereupon we returned to Konoha with the prisoners. Figured you might want to work something out with Zabuza, given that he’s one of the Seven Swordsmen. He’s been cooperative since he realized that we also have his apprentice, who is devoted to him.”

_He takes it back. A drink isn’t strong enough for this. He wants his porn!_ Instead, he picks up his pipe and smokes for a long minute.

“I see. Alright. Team 7 will receive pay for an A rank. Genma, I expect a detailed report on my desk by this evening. Team 7 dismissed.”

“Hai, Hokage-sama!”

Zabuza grumbles from the floor, clearly far more awake than he’s been pretending, “So, are all Konoha nin cheerfully insane and optimistic, or is it just him? Cuz I gotta tell you up front. If I’ve got to be _optimistic_, then just kill me now.”

Hiruzen manages not to choke. _What in kami’s name did Genma talk Zabuza into thinking? He definitely needs his porn. Erm, that is to say…erotic literature. _ Well, though, if Zabuza and his minions are willing to join Konoha, it’s not like he won’t take advantage of it. He may even owe Genma a bonus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The terms Kakashi uses probably aren't entirely medically correct, but I was having trouble phrasing it so it didn't sound stupid. Like: _'I took her in to make sure she didn't get brain damaged from her teammate using her head as a punching bag, cuz she's not Naruto and doesn't have the Kyuubi to heal her and well, that doesn't matter, does it, cuz Naruto's long dead and...'_ Cue mass awkwardness, since everyone actually does think Naruto's dead and there's some bitterness going around over it.
> 
> Sasuke-blindfolded, has to trust the girls to lead him around and do things for him when he can’t. He’s discovered he’s really at a loss without his eyesight and comes close to freaking out if one of the girls lets go without letting him know what they’re doing first. Day 2: Had a full-out panic attack when they tried to leave him alone, blindfolded while Mioki did her punishment and Sakura went to the hospital for her hand.  
Sakura-got a senbon through the hand when she attempted to punch Mioki in the temple again.  
Mioki-got to join Gai’s team for early morning warmup after accidentally provoking Sakura into trying to punch her. They were changing, she looked, opened mouth, inserted foot.  
Genma-making them share a room and all three meals and go everywhere together. _(Other than Mioki getting sent off with Gai and co.)_ Not too happy about sorta-watching brats change, but doesn’t trust them not to maim each other when alone together for the first few days. Is pleasantly surprised when they get the message after the first incident.
> 
> If someone wants to write how the Wave arc went down, feel free. I’ll be happy to link it. I don’t have plans to write more on it. Paperwork stuff _(which I ironically hate with a flaming passion cuz it always puts me on the edge of tears to do, never mind that it’s stuff an 8th grader could probably manage just fine)_, plus sorting grumpy adults and whiny kids, plus attempting to make the older two kids actually take homeschooling seriously _(give me back my sanity! Or what shreds I had at least!)_ kind of means my brain is seriously fried. Lol. And since I don’t feel like writing myself into a corner _(which, yes, I know would just be a mental block on it)_ I’m not going to elaborate the Wave arc any time soon, if ever.  
I _may_, eventually, slip in excerpts of Genma training them before the Wave arc, but again, anyone who wishes to write out more coherent scenes for it, please feel free. I’ll be happy to link them.


	7. Visits and Incidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chunin exams, blah blah blah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of this morning, we now have 9 people in the house. Hahahahaha. Anyways. It means that I didn't have time to skim for things that got left out in the notes before leaving for a standing appointment. So if you're confused or spot a typo or just have questions or comments, let me know! ;3 Hope you enjoy~ _(Hits post and runs out door trying not to drop anything.)_

It had taken them awhile. After all, they hadn’t been sure the wolves who apparently raised Naruto actually lived in the _human_ realm to begin with, and they wanted to avoid attracting the notice of Konoha ninjas and provoke an investigation on what was drawing them to the area. Konoha would _probably_ assume the attraction was Sasuke, but neither of them want Konoha to accidentally stumble over their alpha because of their actions. They have a fair idea of how a jinchuuriki raised by wolves and a thought-dead Uchiha, who had then taken one of Konoha’s own S ranked missing nin _and_ one of Kiri’s missing nin into his pack would be treated by the village, particularly given how much the Kyuubi was hated within Konoha. Vast chakra stores and (likely) training by Shisui aside, Naruto is just a child and certainly no match for a village full of experienced jounin and chunin, many of whom first learned their skills in the Third War.

That doesn’t stop Kisame from grumbling about avoiding fights. But nonetheless, they’ve avoided attention while poking around. And they’d finally found a clue in a small village well south of Konohagakure. The village has some…interesting tales about wolves.

Or werewolves, as they would have it. Still, easy enough to translate into terms of a pack of Summons adopting a human child and an almost-adult human, if one were looking for a connection.

So now they are here.

In a forest.

Because this is such a surprise. A forest. In Fire country. He pointedly ignores Kisame’s muttering about it, knowing full well that Mist has forests too _(if not to such an extent)_, and Kisame’s just disgruntled at not having any good fights recently. Sarcasm aside, there has been for a while the sensation of being watched. A sensation that has gradually gotten stronger. It’s not like being observed by other humans, or like being stalked by predatory animals, no…it’s more like _the forest_ is watching them. Not in the way of the Forest of Death, where the trees thrum with chakra and the wildlife is oversized and bloodthirsty and many, many eyes are always on humans, regarding them as potential prey.

More as if…the forest is filled with a _Presence_, which has been aware of them since they crossed over into its domain. A Presence that seems to be… “Is it just me, or do you have the distinct sensation we are being laughed at?”

“Yeah. It’s making my gills itch.” Kisame says irritably lifting a hand to scratch at the ones under one eye. “I’d say bijuu, but it’s more like a local kami. Stronger than any of the minor ones I’ve run into before, though. We should probably stop soon. I’ve seen some idiots who thought they could go up against local kami and come out on top just to prove their skills. Only one I’ve seen come out alive and not notably less sane is Zabuza, and now he wears _cow print _and_ ugly stripes_ all the time. Well, the cow print might’ve been an attempt on his apprentice’s part to tone down the ugly, I guess. But I really don’t feel like having my fashion sense permanently fucked over by some kami’s idea of a joke.”

Itachi ponders this. Kisame’s fashion sense is…pretty much nonexistent as far as he can tell, so the stripes must be quite something if he considers cow print to be an _improvement_. Unless… “Cow print stripes?”

The big man shudders, then laughs. “If we run into him, you should suggest it. I’d love to see if he actually tries that.”

“Hn.”

They draw to a halt by mutual accord, and wait without saying a word until something stirs in the underbrush a distance away. It is only mildly surprising that it draws closer; creatures that dwell in a kami’s territory have a tendency to be a bit…_peculiar_ at times. Slightly more surprising is that it is apparently one of the wolves they have been looking for.

The wolf, a rather pretty cream and buff color, studies them for a long moment, then sighs. “An Uchiha and a fish. Why am I surprised? Naruto won’t be back for some hours, but the _other_ Uchiha in your pack can entertain you until he returns. Come along.”

“Sharks aren’t fish.” Kisame whines in a pained tone as they follow.

She looks back at them over her shoulder. “My apologies. As you did not introduce yourselves, I assumed you wished to be identified by your scents. I am Yuko, of the Wolf Wood pack.”

“Itachi Uchiha.” He replies politely.

Kisame grunts, then says, “Kisame Hoshigaki. Formerly of Kiri.”

“Ah, yes. The…how do you humans say? The _missing kin?_ Saki spoke of Naruto adding to his pack a few months ago.”

“I believe you mean _‘missing nin’_.” He corrects calmly, ignoring Kisame’s choked laugh. “As in ninjas who have defected from their villages. Also, while seeing Naruto would be appreciated, we actually came to see Shisui.”

“As long as you don’t expect him to see you in return.” She replies.

Itachi blinks, then blinks again.

“Was that a joke?” Kisame finally asks.

“Exactly!” Yuko says in a triumphant tone. “And Shisui keeps telling me that I fail at copying his humor. Hmph!”

He resists the urge to facepalm. _Yes, she definitely is familiar with his cousin._

~

“Chunin exams?” Naruto stares at Shikamaru blankly. He _thinks_ he sort of remembers this from Shisui’s lectures on ninjas. “Is that the big test where you don’t have your sensei along to help you?”

Shikamaru blinks at him a few times, then shrugs. “Yeah. Pretty sure our sensei doesn’t expect us to pass, but the probability of one of us passing is fairly high. Our opponents will probably look down on us because of our age, but we’re Clan heirs. It’s not as if we’re _average_ for our age.” He blinks again. “And _don’t_ stalk me through the exam. That would be troublesome.”

Naruto droops and sulks. “I guess that means I shouldn’t stalk Shino through it either?”

The raised eyebrow he gets in return is eloquent.

“Fine.” He grumbles. “What about the Uchiha? Do you think the senbon sensei will recommend his team?”

Shikamaru makes a complicated face. “Maybe.”

He shrugs and drops to lie beside Shikamaru, curling against him rather than his usual on. “It’s not like he’s my beta, but he’s pack to a couple of my betas. And Uchihas have this doom and gloom suicidal thing going on. What if he takes it as an opportunity to get himself killed? Shisui-nii would cry. _Again._”

“Troublesome.” Shikamaru decides after a few moments of contemplation, then sighs. “Fine, shadow him if you want. I mean, his entire clan died. It’s not like I can just say for sure that he’s _not_ suicidal. He doesn’t _seem_ to be.”

Naruto sighs. _If even Shikamaru doesn’t know…_ “That’s a good sign. Maybe?”

~

“Shino, call your teammates here for a second?”

He eyes Kyo for a moment and decides that despite the tone, it’s probably an order. “Hinata, Kiba, Akamaru, there is someone I’d like you to meet.”

His teammates come over curiously. Shino is not one who often makes requests, after all.

“This is Kyo. Kyo, these are my teammates.”

“H-He-Hello. I’m Hinata Hyuuga. I-I-It’s n-ni-nice to m-me-meet you.” Hinata says politely.

Kiba and Akamaru take curious sniffs. “Oh, hey! You’re that alpha Shino and Shikamaru always smell like!”

Akamaru yips in agreement.

Kyo beams. “Believe it! Ah, Shino. Shika says I can’t _‘stalk’_ you through the chunin exams to keep you safe, so I thought maybe your team would be okay with me leaving a warning mark on them for the exam instead? Is that okay?”

Kiba wrinkles his nose. “Like Akamaru and I don’t already reek of my mom? Oh, she’s the Inuzuka clan alpha, if you don’t know. So, thanks, but no.”

“I w-would appr-appreciate it, but I believe my clan would be deeply o-offended, s-s-so I also w-will have to s-s-say n-no.” Hinata admits timidly.

Kyo takes a sniff himself and nods as he droops. “Alright. But nice to meet you!”

He drapes himself without warning on Shino, then bursts into a puff of chakra smoke.

Shino finds himself amused. Why? Because his alpha has managed to overcompensate for his disappointment by dumping the extra bits of chakra claim on Shino before dispelling his clone out of an awkward situation. Likely it means that he will not be seeing Kyo until after the chunin exams end, but he hardly can mind that when that simply means his alpha is respecting his team’s opinions and skills enough to let them make it through without his help.

~

Team 7 does not make a fuss making it to the exam room. Sasuke would like to say this is because they are fearsome and people part to make way for them, or even because they have superior stealth. In fact, it’s because Gai Maito’s team is making an unnecessary fuss over the decoy room to make others underestimate them, and he and Sakura each slap a hand over Mioki’s mouth and drag her past the mess of deceived genin before she can open her big mouth. They _do_ make a dramatic entrance to the room, but only because some asshole thinks it’s funny to trip Mioki and they all go down in an embarrassing tumble before Mioki’s on her feet, yelling at the asshole.

Another Konoha ninja, a silver haired alpha with glasses, intervenes and chides them against drawing attention and offers to show them information on the other teams. Sasuke would be interested in that, but Mioki’s lip curls and she edges backwards towards him and Sakura. And he… Well, _they_ have learned to trust Mioki’s instincts when it comes to people. So they decline and quietly find seats while another team picks a fight with the silver haired genin.

When he hears the rules for the test, he almost laughs. He and Sakura were top of their class for a reason. And Mioki’s more likely to spend her time doodling on the test than to get caught cheating. Filling in wrong answers or cheating would have to _occur to her _first, and that will never happen without direct prompting a lot less subtle than the scary looking proctor is using.

When everyone is given the chance to quit, he’s a little startled when Mioki stands up. But then she just shouts,

“Team 7 _never_ gives up!”

And suddenly he is laughing into his palm instead, because that’s so typical of his teammate. Although, annoyingly, it inspires most of the other teams to stay as well. Which means they, too, pass.

Then the chubby and loud woman, who obviously never learned that mesh shirts aren’t supposed to double as _actual_ shirts but still manages to be barely decent, breaks a window and introduces herself. Sasuke does not bother to remember her name, because _one_, proctors aren’t exactly people whose name he needs to know long-term, and _two_, Mioki is _definitely_ going to remember it and use it until he never forgets it _anyway_.

Mioki’s expression is awed as she flops into her seat. “You’re so cool!”

_Yeah, no surprise there._ His dumbest teammate is easily impressed with things that are loud, flashy, and rule breaking.

~

Ibiki Morino pages through the tests curiously, a couple making him raise his brows. Notably, Team 7’s Sakura Haruno’s paper, which shows her logic well enough to prove she made no attempt at copying and _still_ scores 100%. And…Team 7’s Mioki Tasagure’s paper, which has _no_ answers, simply barely recognizable doodles of several of the other genin who were in the exam room and a bunch of snippy comments scrawled around the one recognizable as a Konoha genin.

_Liar. Two-faced. Genin don’t wear glasses. Why is he taking the test again if he failed a zillion times? Medics get promotions other ways. Genma-sensei said so! Bastard. Show-off. <strike>Traitor</strike>. <strike>Stoopyd.</strike> Stupid! Smells like snayke. Bad alpha. Smells arroginnt. Looks wrong. Probably pees wrong. Team 7 doesn’t take advice from losers! Not as pretty as <strike>Sasuke at all</strike> even Sakura. Who does he think he is? Making fun of us like we’re little kids. I’ll bet his team <strike>wants to kill hi-</strike> hates him. Even I know ninjas don’t show off important info in public. <strike>Traitor</strike>. ASsface._

Faulty spelling, unfounded catty speculation, and fangirl drooling aside… It’s quite remarkable that she _passed_ without even _trying_ to fill out at least one question. Not to mention, her observations are rather astute.

Curious, he flips through to the test of the last member of Team 7. Ah, right. Uchiha Sasuke. Most of the answers are right, and the ones that aren’t at least aren’t far wrong. His eyes narrow as he sees a line of very tiny writing under the name. One that could be mistaken for a smudgy line at careless glance. Closer inspection reveals that it’s in the simple encryption Academy students are taught so that civilians can’t easily read classified information by accident.

_Mioki’s never wrong about people. _  
_She hates the silver haired alpha with glasses pretending to be a Konoha genin._  
_More than she disliked Mizuki sensei._  
_Who was an actual traitor._  
_And the client from Wave who lied about the mission._

_ _ __ _ _

Well fuck.

_ _ __ _ _

Ibiki rereads Mioki Tasagure’s paper and feels a headache coming on. So they’ve got a possible traitor or infiltrator on their hands. Furthermore with a possibility of working with snakes…or with a snake summoner. … That’s not a bad thing to dig up. But the fact that Konoha has a security leak big enough that a _genin_ knows about Mizuki being a traitor… He despises security leaks. Either they have a mole or the chunin and jounin need a refresher course on information security. _Again._

_ _ __ _ _

~

_ _ __ _ _

Sasuke is frozen.

_ _ __ _ _

Mioki is unconscious on the ground, battered and hopefully not dead. Sakura is standing over her shakily, in a protective stance, crying because she’s covered in snake guts and…_Sasuke doesn’t even want to know how she managed to get herself out of that giant snake alive after being swallowed, because just thinking about it is probably going to give him nightmares_…

_ _ __ _ _

The creepy girl who apparently is _Orochimaru in disguise_, though not very disguised now, is radiating such intense KI that Sasuke _can’t move_ because he’s _too scared_ and _useless_ and _oh kami, oh kami, oh kami_ he’s going to get _bitten_ by a traitor with a rokurokubi neck and-!

_ _ __ _ _

He barely notes something drop out of the trees onto Orochimaru’s back until the snake sannin jolts suddenly and tries to throw it off or kill it while simultaneously maneuvering his extended neck, but it’s _too late_ because the thing, no- the person abruptly radiates KI so thick and corrosive that the air practically burns with it, Sasuke almost throws up and _he remembers this KI. He remembers it and has no idea how or why, and-_

_ _ __ _ _

Just as precipitously, the KI _stops_.

_ _ __ _ _

A blond- No, brown- No- Well, he can’t exactly tell, because he’s obviously wearing some high-level henge and Sasuke’s sharingan isn’t well-trained yet, but a boy about their own age is standing crouched over _Orochimaru’s flash-broiled corpse_, looking at them in concern.

_ _ __ _ _

“Sorry for interfering, but I didn’t think that guy was part of your exams and it looked like you could use some help, y’know?”

_ _ __ _ _

_He’s apologizing for saving Sasuke’s life? _His lip starts to curl, then he realizes that _he’s safe, and the girls are safe, at least temporarily, and-_ “Thank you.” He wheezes shakily.

_ _ __ _ _

“No problem, ‘ttebayo!” The boy beams, and then almost faster than the sharingan can track, is over by the girls, helping Sakura sit down, even tearing off the remains of his shirt and helping her wipe off the worst of the snake goo. And Sakura _is letting him!_

_ _ __ _ _

Then he’s crouching over Mioki-!

_ _ __ _ _

Sasuke forces himself to move, so he’s at least within arms’ reach if the stranger decides to do something.

_ _ __ _ _

“I’d heal her, but it’s nothing life threatening and I don’t want to accidentally disqualify your team or something. You’ll need to carry her, though, until she wakes up. You shouldn’t stay here.”

_ _ __ _ _

He flicks a glance at the still slightly steaming corpse and reluctantly agrees with that assessment. “Hn.”

_ _ __ _ _

The stranger looks around, mouth twisting slightly. “I’ve gotta go, but-”

_ _ __ _ _

Sasuke does _not_ squawk when the other boy suddenly ruffles his hair without permission, but it’s a close thing. Then he sneezes at the overpowering smell of alpha. _What!?_

_ _ __ _ _

“There. That should keep the other teams off of you until you’re out of the Forest. Bye!”

_ _ __ _ _

And then he’s _gone_, with only a displacement of air and gross scraps of fabric to prove he’d actually been there.

_ _ __ _ _

Sakura laughs rustily. “I can’t _believe_ we ran into _the snake sannin_ on our _chunin exams_ and had to be rescued by an _alpha_ who is younger than us! Team 7 has the _weirdest_ luck! I think this is even _weirder_ than coming home with _Zabuza Momochi_ on our first _C rank_!”

_ _ __ _ _

She…has a point.

_ _ __ _ _

He huffs, then sneezes again, belatedly realizing that the alpha ‘scent’ is actually one of those surface-layer chakra things that sticks temporarily and is basically a big _‘fuck off’_ sign to anyone even slightly sane. Stuck to his…_hair!?_ And wait…oh. There’s some on Sakura too, and even _more_ on Mioki, which…okay, he guesses that makes sense if the intent is to keep the team as a whole safe, since Mioki can’t defend herself for a while.

_ _ __ _ _

_Ugh!_

_ _ __ _ _

Great. Just what he wanted: The constant urge to sneeze in the middle of the Forest of Death and no _valid_ reason to reject the claim. _(That was sarcasm, by the way.)_

_ _ __ _ _

“Hn.” He agrees, stooping to pick up Mioki. “We need to go.”

_ _ __ _ _

Sakura sighs and pushes herself to her feet. “Yeah. If we run into anyone, give her to me so you can fight, since you’re better than me.”

_ _ __ _ _

Neither of them discuss getting a second scroll. If they get one, they get one, but…

_ _ __ _ _

~

_ _ __ _ _

Kabuto stares bitterly at Orochimaru’s corpse.

_ _ __ _ _

_His beta._

_ _ __ _ _

_His!_

_ _ __ _ _

Team 7 is no threat at all, so this… No, this is the work of another. Another alpha.

_ _ __ _ _

_How dare another alpha destroy what is his!?_

_ _ __ _ _

Granted, Orochimaru had never really accepted his claim, but neither had he rejected it, which he easily could have done. He’s young yet, not at his full potential yet; he understands why Orochimaru would want him to prove himself before actively accepting the claim. Understood, rather. Because now there is no chance. He does not think dying like this is something that can be salvaged, that can be come back from.

_ _ __ _ _

Between Danzo and his work for Orochimaru, he’d thought that he knew of all the important players and all the alphas who might be strong enough to be wary of. He doesn’t recognize this chakra signature at all. Whether this is because he _missed_ one in Konoha somehow, or because they are from another village, he does not know. What he _does_ know, is this: _Konoha will pay for this, because he will carry out Orochimaru’s plans in his memory. And he will never forgive the alpha who did this. He will destroy him even if it takes him the rest of his life._

_ _ __ _ _

Kabuto looks up, then vanishes back into the forest moments before Konoha back up can arrive and before his ignorant teammates can get themselves thoroughly lost in his absence.

_ _ __ _ _

~

_ _ __ _ _

A Sound team ambushes them clumsily, bragging and sneering at them, but _honestly!? Sound waves aren’t much of a weapon if they aren’t used!_ Sakura gives them a derisive glance, substitutes with a stick behind them and stabs the two boys with the sedative coated senbon Genma sensei had added to her weapons, and the girl apparently thinks Sasuke is an easy target holding Mioki. Or rather, thinks _Mioki_ is an easy target to threaten him with. _Yeah right._ He drops Mioki on her, then knocks her out with the hilt of a kunai before retrieving Mioki.

_ _ __ _ _

Sakura riffles through their clothes and comes up with their scroll. “Oh, hey! They have the right scroll!”

_ _ __ _ _

“Hn.” _Genma sensei will be pleased._

_ _ __ _ _

~

_ _ __ _ _

Mioki manages to wake up before they get to the tower with the scrolls, so they pass the second stage without issue.

_ _ __ _ _

On paper, at least.

_ _ __ _ _

When they’re informed of the preliminaries and the option of pulling out, they trade glances and give tiny sighs. Genma sensei had given them extra conditions for the test. “Team 7 withdraws. There was…an incident and we received aide from an outside party.” Sakura states.

_ _ __ _ _

Of course, the proctors know this and it has been excused, but…

_ _ __ _ _

The proctor in charge of this phase merely coughs and nods. “Anyone else?”

_ _ __ _ _

The skeevy silver haired glasses guy also backs out, claiming injuries, but the rest stay.

_ _ __ _ _

At least Team 7 gets to stay and watch the fights. Sakura would’ve been pretty put out if they’d gone through all that and then didn’t even get to do _that_.

_ _ __ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura and Sasuke assume Naruto is younger than them for two reasons. First, he’s currently a bit short for his age, and second, he doesn’t wear a hitai-ate.
> 
> You’ll probably have noticed that Mioki has some very similar traits to canon Naruto. In some ways, she’s very much like what he would be like if he wasn’t an Uzumaki and didn’t have the Kyuubi and happened to be a civilian born fangirl.  
This is intentional, because it allows Sasuke to latch onto her as his best friend once he gets past the fangirl part. He doesn’t have Naruto in his life, so he needs someone. I feel it would be ridiculous and forced for him to bond with a random kid who dropped in long enough to save his life and he won’t even see again for a few years.  
In other ways, they are very different. While they are both loud, Mioki isn’t deliberately being an obnoxious brat in order to get attention. She’s never needed to, and she’s not really a prankster at heart. Also, she would be offended at the notion of wearing eye-searing neon orange.  
They both have problems with school work and aren’t too bright about certain things, but in her case it’s not because she ditches class or is sabotaged by teachers; she just struggles with it.  
They’re both fist-first type fighters, but this is because Team 7 _needs_ a member who can physically take the brunt of a close-in fight. Canon Naruto has endless stamina, chakra, recovery rate going for him; Mioki has a sturdy build and a taijutsu affinity going for her. Since Genma is more of a weapons specialist type, a lot of her training regimen is set up with Gai’s advice and assistance.


	8. Downsides and Upsides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi gets captured and things aren't going well. A 'ghost' appears. Some mild-ish gore happens. Hiruzen pats himself on the back for letting bored ninjas cause havoc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some news I'm having trouble coping with, so for now y'all get to have whatever random snips my muse is willing to serving up amidst the musey sulking.

Kakashi would like to note that being a beta who is routinely mistaken for an alpha honestly has few downsides. He does not, for instance, get more than slap on the hand reprimands for the lengths he goes to on missions to keep his teammates alive. More than one enemy has flat backed down when Kakashi appears on the verge of losing his temper or having lost it already, because _no one_ wants to deal with an alpha in mother-bear mode. People don’t _argue_ with his decisions that much.

_(Granted, every ninja in Konoha is pretty much aware of the fact that he’s a beta since he came home practically dripping alpha claim, but it’s amusing to see how easily they fall back into old assumptions and behavior patterns.)_ Enemies hesitate fractionally, quite often.

It _does_ interfere with forming deeper pack bonds with casual friends and teammates, because they expect him to move in on a situation like an alpha would and assume it is disinterest when he doesn’t because, well, he’s _not_ an alpha. But he has a few closer friends, such as Gai, and he really doesn’t _want_ to be closer with others if he can avoid it, so it works out. It also has the downside of occasional unwanted prisoners who surrender because they ‘can’t bring themselves to fight an alpha’, or ‘want to join an alpha’s pack, just give them a chance’, or want to defect to Konoha and assume that as an apparent alpha, Kakashi is the safest one to approach for this. He has standing orders to accept these surrenders, because it’s safer for him to do so, than for an _actual_ alpha to do so in the event that the surrenders are faked since he doesn’t deal with the same instinctual hesitation to harm potential beta packmates that an alpha would. This means he can snag potential assets for Konoha and since the Hokage and council want his reputation as an alpha to stand, they pretty much have to take it, even if they don’t really care for his choices. _(Although he’s not actually sure the Council is aware that he’s not an alpha. They seem to miss the weirdest pieces of gossip, somehow. Or maybe they just forget. They are practically undead fossils, after all.)_

Occasionally, though, it’s more than a _little_ inconvenient. Such as when he’s been captured, and one of the enemy is an _actual_ alpha, who has figured out that Kakashi is _not_ an actual alpha and thus available for forced claiming.

Unfortunately for said alpha, however, there is a problem with his crappy-romance-novel scenario. Despite having Kakashi restrained and dosed with the highly restricted drug that temporarily ruins his ability to keep his chakra signature pulled in tight and massively lowers resistance to unwanted alpha advances, well… It’s rather pointless.

Kakashi has never been gladder that he was idiotic enough to face plant out of a tree with borderline chakra exhaustion and internal wounds a few years ago. If he hadn’t, then he wouldn’t have been rescued by a blind wolf summoner and claimed by an alpha far more powerful than this one. A claim that he welcomed then and still welcomes now. A claim that will reject any lesser and unwanted claims as easily as duck feathers repel water. No matter what tactics are used.

Of course, the longer it takes for the alpha to discover this, the better for Kakashi, since he’ll likely just be killed and his sharingan taken once the man figures it out.

And okay, snarling with extreme hostility when the idiot removes his face mask and remarks how ‘pretty’ he is, probably is a…less than ideal way to conceal it. His chakra signature flares as he snarls and the man goes stock still, eyes widening in surprise. “You’re already-!?”

Then his head just…disappears and his body falls to the ground like a puppet with cut strings. Kakashi blinks. A different man, this one in an oni half-mask that showcases impressive scarring extending down around one side of his mouth and chin and likely covers horrific scarring further up, is bending over him curiously. “Ghost-chan is impressed. Stupid alpha was right about one thing. You are pretty. No wonder you wear a mask. Everyone would be trying to seduce you if you didn’t.”

Kakashi shudders. _Fangirls had been bad enough **with** the mask. At least they had been too wary of him to actually mob him._

‘Ghost-chan’ nods abruptly and drops a pile of masks on his face. “Pretty-kun should wear masks.”

He yelps and sputters, because not all of the masks are soft or even cloth and some of them actually reek of old dried blood or sweat and the like. “Thanks. I think. Could you-?”

“Oh, right! Pretty-kun doesn’t need to worry about the others with stupid alpha. Ghost-chan took care of _them_, too!” The other man interrupts, beaming. Then pouts. “Oh. Pretty-kun probably needs proof, yes? Well, Ghost-chan doesn’t mind. Not really. Only stupid alpha has a bounty on him worth taking, and it’s not really _that_ much.”

There’s a series of thumps beside him and Kakashi turns his head to find… Yeah, okay, heads are proof, but… “Er, that’s nice of you, but I don’t need proof. I just crossed paths with them on my mission and they ambushed me. Could you-?”

“Of course.” The pout disappears like a mirage. “Ghost-chan is happy! He doesn’t mind that Pretty-kun is squeamish. Not at all!”

Kakashi blinks again as he sees the heads disappear back to…wherever they’d been. And then sighs when he realizes that ‘Ghost-chan’ is gone as well. _All he’d been trying to ask was if the man would untie him!_ Now he’s stuck here with headless corpses until his chakra stabilizes enough for him to free himself. Probably late evening at earliest. _Which would be okay, if he didn’t have to take a piss!_

Then again, the corpse closest to him has a weapons pouch still. He can probably free himself within ten minutes if he puts the effort in. He sighs again and starts wriggling over, muttering about _ghosts who interrupt sentences_ and _think jounins are squeamish_.

~

“And the reason you returned two days later than projected, given that the mission itself was without complications?”

Kakashi eye-smiles him and Hiruzen can sense a ridiculous excuse coming on.

“Ah, that. Well, see, there was this mediocre squad of Kusa ninja that successfully ambushed me en route, and the alpha of the bunch decided to do a forced claim, which didn’t work of course, because I got rescued by a helpful ghost. But then the ghost got bored and left, so I had to figure out how to free myself and then travel at a civilian pace until the dose of chakra disturbant wore off. And then after the mission was complete I ran across the latest edition of Jiraiya-sama’s book in a bookstore and just _had_ to read it, so I might have been running a little slower than usual.”

Hiruzen picks up his pipe and smokes as he tries to parse Kakashi-ese into actual events. Then he puts it down and sighs. “Did you buy me a copy?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama! Oh, and I’ll leave the masks Ghost-chan donated to me with you, as well.” Kakashi pulls a book out of his hip pouch and lays it on his desk, then pulls out a small storage scroll and releases the contents onto the desk beside the book. “It was kind of him, but I prefer my own masks.”

“Indeed.” Hiruzen says drily, well aware of Kakashi’s heightened senses and how the ridiculous pile of assorted used masks would offend them. “Oh, and Kakashi? Stop by the hospital and get checked to make sure the drug didn’t do any damage to your system. If you don’t, I’ll sic your therapist on you again.”

Kakashi droops sulkily. “Yes, Hokage-sama.”

_Ah, compliance._ Siccing a very bored Inoichi Yamanaka on Kakashi the last time he’d escaped the hospital before being cleared to had clearly been one of his better decisions. Y’know, despite the property damage from Inoichi having recruited Shikaku and Chouza, and then Gai and his genin in his crusade to catch Kakashi and force him to go through therapy. There _may_ have been something about Shikaku rounding up all ANBU candidates, a third of the jounin, and about a quarter of the off duty chunin and assigning them to capture Kakashi once he got fed up with playing tag with the not-cleared-to-leave-hospital-bed jounin. And a mistake in communication that had ended up with the entire genin corps then-currently within Konoha’s walls thinking he was an infiltration agent and joining the hunt, which had ended up with Kakashi _back_ in the hospital, this time with chakra exhaustion, along with a sad number of genin that he’d prevented from accidentally blowing themselves up while trying to catch him.

The trio had been smug and utterly unrepentant about the chaos, but at least the civilians, when faced with three clan heads _(one the retired head of T&I, one the current Jounin Commander, and one the head of the clan that ran the best restaurants in Konoha)_ and Gai Maito apologizing in person, had backed down in flusterment. Hiruzen also _may_ have diverted Danzo from criticisms by having him spread rumors to the effect that troublesome shinobi patients would be assigned a Yamanaka therapist and similar lengths would be gone to in order to retrieve them for mandatory psych visits after every hospital escape. Oddly, the hospital seemed torn between being grateful and dumbfounded and frustrated by this, since it meant that their non-escaped shinobi patients had a tendency to relieve their boredom by making life difficult for them in other ways, and paperwork that had been largely ignored had suddenly multiplied since the patients were actually sticking around to fill it out.

“Dismissed.” Hiruzen says, and snags his new copy of Icha Icha to read until his secretary catches onto the fact that he’s avoiding work and sends his next appointment up.

He completely ignores Kakashi bursting into a puff of smoke. After all, the jounin will get memories of his order whenever he wakes up from the nap he’s undoubtedly taking. It’s not as if Kakashi is the only jounin or ex-ANBU who sometimes sends bunshin to report in. At least Kakashi always remembers to send the original items, not chakra replications. _Unlike some._


	9. Reunion, Meeting, and Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi gets punched, Karin meets a bear, Zabuza is bored.

Itachi dodges Shisui’s punch. It’s not enough to avoid it, given that even blind Shisui no Shunshin lives up to his moniker, but it’s enough that the blow doesn’t actually break his jaw.

_“What maggot gave you the idea that murdering our clan was ‘taking care of things’!?”_ Shisui hisses in his face, practically spitting with ire. It’s rather disturbing with the hitai-ate covering both eyes.

“Councilman Shimura.” Itachi admits.

_“He’s the one who **stole my eye and had me poisoned** in the first place!”_ Shisui screeches.

“Violent much?” Kisame asks in a laconic tone.

“It’s alright. I deserved that.” Itachi intervenes.

_“Shut up,_ fishy! You and your vampiric sword have no place in this conversation.” Shisui says in a vicious tone.

“Not a fish.” Kisame mumbles in a sulky tone but takes a step back, indicating that he’s decided to stay out of the family squabble.

Itachi clears his throat. “I’m sorry. The clan chose to believe that I killed you, and… No, that’s not why I came. Do you want your eye back, Shisui?

Shisui obviously can’t see him, but he still manages to level an assessing stare that judges the weight of his sincerity. Finally, he huffs and steps back slightly. “Yes. Of course I want my damned eye back. I guess I should have known you’d take the first apparent solution suggested to you, and told you to watch out for his lies. Dammit Itachi, why the hell are you so literal?”

He decides to ignore the question, since it has no real answer other than he was ‘born that way’. Instead, he summons the crow that has Shisui’s eye. Doing so drains more chakra than it should, almost like there’s outside resistance making it difficult.

“You put my eye in a crow?” Shisui asks in a tone so calm that Itachi flinches.

“Doing so kept it out of reach of greedy hands and made keeping it healthy easier.” Carefully, he uses medical chakra to extract the eye, which the crow allows, then flaps away to a nearby branch with a reproachful squawk.

“Fine then.” Shisui says in that same calm, calm tone and shoves up his battered hitai-ate. “Go ahead.”

Itachi grits his teeth, _knowing_ that Shisui isn’t going to forgive him any time soon, and making him do this leaves him as vulnerable as it does Shisui if not more so. On the other hand…well, Shisui’s reaction could have been worse. He carefully checks the eye socket with medical chakra, then pries up Shisui’s eyelid with his fingers and even more carefully reinserts the eyeball, reattaching the important bits before meticulously checking his work and healing up anything else that he can find amiss with the eye or socket. Granted, he’s not a medic or anywhere close, but he understands basic eye care given how important his kekkai genkai was to the clan and Konoha, and any ANBU candidate has to undergo an intense course on how to use medical chakra in emergencies well enough to keep their teammates alive _(and hopefully on their way to recovery)_ until they can make it to a _proper_ medic nin.

When Itachi’s finished, Shisui blinks a few times, reaccustoming himself to visual input, then focuses on Itachi’s face. Then he does the most spine shuddering thing Itachi has _ever_ seen him do _(not including his attempted suicide because only one thing compares to that, but…)_ and says in a perfect, classic Uchiha tone, “Hn.”

Itachi is so appalled that he doesn’t even see the fingers aimed at him until they’re poking his forehead ungently. _Shisui speaking Uchiha dialect is just so, so wrong. And somehow the fact that Shisui **is** an Uchiha just manages to make it downright creepy and surreal._

Shisui grins brightly. “So, now that’s taken care of, let’s swap stories of what we’ve been up to since we last spoke until Naruto gets back!”

_He’s so glad that Shisui has decided not to hold a grudge. Not that he’s ever **seen** the consequences of that too calm tone before, but he’s **heard tales**. Itachi has a fair idea of **exactly** how lightly he’s been let off._

~

Karin Uzumaki curses out her erstwhile ‘teammates’ in her head. _‘Don’t get separated from us, Deadweight’_ her ass. They’d deliberately left her behind while she took a pee break. Doubtless they’re hoping the Forest will take care of her, which simply proves how _idiotic_ the pair of them are. If she dies here _they_ won’t pass the second stage, because all three team members have to arrive at the tower. Though she shouldn’t expect anything else from them at this point. She sneers to herself. Kusa certainly treats her as disposable, just the way they’d treated her mother.

_Stupid ‘Forest of Death’. It’s so full of chakra that it’s hard to navigate with her sensory abilities and all too easy for predators to sneak up close before she notices th- _

She goes still as she gets a whiff something rank and dangerous. Probably not a carnivore, since they tend to keep themselves relatively clean to avoid alerting prey, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a _predator_, and sometimes it’s not the carnivores that are the most dangerous things around.

Hearing an ominous crack not far away, she lunges for the trees in the opposite direction, trips, and goes head over heels, cursing as she rolls to a stop. _Seriously! She hates this place! And now her ankle is throbbing._ Muttering, she pulls herself to her feet, then looks up and freezes. Something _huge and hairy that has paws that look like hands tipped in ominous claws and wrapped in fur other than the palms and fingers is looming over her and-_ A terrifying roar shakes her out of her cringe straight into blindly fleeing and an eternal moment later, she’s 40ft up the nearest tree, clinging to the leaves, shaking so hard she can hear her teeth chattering with fear.

The _thing,_ she’s not sure if it’s a person or a dog or a mutant _horse_, has dropped to all fours and is snuffling around the base of the tree, except _now_ it’s rearing up and-

_Oh, kami, Oh kami, oh kami, it can’t climb can it!? Please let it not be able to climb!_

~

Karin doesn’t know how long she crouches on a tree limb, literally shaking in terror, watching the monster below her snuffle around, eating berries and things in between checking if it can reach her with its massive claws, before she hears voices.

“Oh look, something edible.” A girl’s voice says. “Nice thick fur on it, too. We can make some money selling it in the civilian market.”

“I think I’d rather risk another centipede. Bear meat is disgusting.” A male voice disagrees in a finicky tone.

“Come, Neji, don’t be so unYouthful! We have found a worthy foe to take down!” Another male voice says brightly.

A boy about her age with long black hair and white eyes emerges, along with a girl wearing her hair in buns and another boy with the shiniest bowl cut she’s ever seen.

“Are you speaking of the bear or the girl in the tree?” The white-eyed boy asks in an unimpressed tone. “Tenten, what parts can we not sell?”

“We can sell all of them.” The girl replies promptly. “Lee, go see if the girl is okay. And watch out for genjutsu.”

Karin loses track of the conversation for a bit, watching as the white-eyed Neji, who has _impressive_ chakra stores for his age, stalks up to the bear and through a few open-handed strikes, takes the beast down easily. Then she almost falls off the branch when bowl cut kid speaks right next to her, startling her badly, as she hadn’t noticed his approach. He catches her easily, briefly, just long enough for her to regain her balance and notice his rather impressive muscles.

“My apologies, fair maiden. I did not mean to startle you. Are you unhurt?” He asks in a rather _loud_ whisper. “I am Rock Lee, and those are my teammates Neji Hyuuga, and Tenten.”

“Uh…um. I’m fine, except I think I twisted my ankle getting away from that thing. I’m Karin Uzumaki.” She can just bite herself to heal it, but she doesn’t want _them_ to know that. _What if they bite her, too?_

Rock Lee wraps an arm around her without asking and next she knows, she’s on the ground with him, in front of the bun girl. “Tenten, this most delicate flower has twisted her ankle. If you could be so kind as to treat it?”

Tenten grimaces. “I apologize for him. And first aid isn’t my skill set. Neji, can you check over her ankle while I store the carcass?”

“Of course.” The white eyed boy says stiffly.

She doesn’t mind his tone, because she’s too busy looking at his gorgeous chakra as he crouches to look at her ankle and then wrap it neatly in tape to support it. His face is just her type, too, but she’s not rude enough to stare at _that_. Karin doesn’t want to make her rescuer _uncomfortable_, after all.

~

_A month later..._

Zabuza would like to note that Konoha is _insane_.

And he says this as a former Kiri nin who literally slaughtered an entire year of genin graduate candidates before he was even an Academy student. Not only are they _optimistic_ to a scary degree, and value teamwork to an unusual degree _(which, okay, he can get behind that)_, they live next door to a forest that could give the Shikkotsu a run for its sheer danger, and _they use it to test chunin candidates in_. He, unfortunately, is _not_ exaggerating this at all, given that the apparently sautéed corpse of Konoha’s second most famous missing nin has been found still steaming in the Forest of Death _during the exam_.

Which means that he and Haku are helping secure Konoha proper while the last stage of the exams commences. He doesn’t mind that, really. At least they hadn’t been stationed _at_ the stadium where word would quickly get out that they were now Konoha nin. It shows an _unwarranted_ amount of trust in them, but it also means they actually get to do something, even a boring something, rather than sit around on their thumbs under house arrest. Okay, granted, their house had a small, private training grounds attached, so it wasn’t _terrible_, but…

Anyways.

Somehow he’s not surprised that the trouble magnet Team 7 were apparently Orochimaru’s target. A _lot more_ surprised that they had actually withdrawn from the exam after completing the second stage successfully, though. The official line was that Team 7 hadn’t seen their rescuer, had just kept running with their unconscious teammate, but he calls sharkshit on that. Those three practically _reeked_ of alpha the one time he’d been near them since. And if he’s not wrong _(and he’s not, because his nose works just fine and so do his basic chakra identification senses at close range)_ it’s the same alpha that has a claim on their senbon wielding sensei. The only thing he’s _not_ sure of is if Genma’s alpha actually belongs to Konoha, and if he doesn’t, if they actually know who he is or not. Because he’s fairly sure they would be bragging all over any of theirs who’d managed to take down the most infamous of the Sannin. _(Which is saying something, given Tsunade’s trail of debts in every nation with casinos.)_

It would be _nice_ if something interesting happens to his section, but quite unlikely given that Orochimaru is-

His head snaps up as there sudden, large chakra signatures explode into being in multiple places close outside the walls, and an absolutely _massive_ one pops up over in the Forest of Death. _Well, fuck. Looks like he gave up too soon._ “Haku, no mercy.”

“Hai, Zabuza-sama!” His apprentice acknowledges, eyes glinting in a way that says that _this time_ he doesn’t disagree.

Zabuza grins. He’d love to play around himself, but there’s plenty of targets to go around; he can afford to not draw it out this time and _still_ have fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shishui's hitai-ate is on a cloth. Sometimes he wears it with the hitai-ate showing, sometimes he folds it under so it looks just like a cloth headband. Either way, he wears it with the metal plate over his eyes to protect the empty sockets.
> 
> Karin, poor dear, it’s a bear.  
The one in canon. Except her instincts save her this time instead of Sasuke randomly appearing and saving her. The bear would’ve gone away eventually.
> 
> 'apparently sauteed corpse' is Orochimaru.  



	10. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some aftermath of the invasion, from various POVs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited.
> 
> Oh, look! A chapter that finally cooperated with being written! _(glares at three other fic chapters that are being uncooperative)_

Genma is…not happy.

One of his packmates is in the hospital, showing no signs of waking. Kakashi had managed to stop the raging Ichibi from trampling over Konoha, and taken young Gaara into custody, then promptly fainted from the worst case of chakra exhaustion that anyone’s seen in years that hasn’t simply resulted in a corpse.

Sandaime-sama is _also_ in the hospital, missing his right leg below the knee and his left arm paralyzed from the shoulder down from the unexpected fight with the Kazekage. Although the Kazekage has come off the worse from that fight, his chakra coils are so badly compromised that it will be a miracle if he ever manages to mould chakra again. Suna’s pretty pissy over the whole thing, but given that _they_ attacked _Konoha_ they don’t really have much ground to stand on. At least the Sandaime is alert and conducting business from his hospital bed, so Konoha’s not _really_ at a disadvantage here. Just. Having a half-crippled Hokage is a large blow for Konoha in general. And there really aren’t any _good_ candidates for the hat at the moment. Not with Jiraiya and Tsunade out of the village probably permanently and Kakashi in a coma. _(Though he’s heard that Shimura put himself forward as a candidate before being shut down on the matter.)_

Kabuto Yakushi, who had apparently _arranged_ the invasion, had escaped when Konoha began to get the upper hand in the battle. A goodly portion of Konoha’s perimeter wall is broken in multiple places, and homes and businesses have been crushed or damaged. There are _still_ teams checking through the rubble for bodies.

While his genin had not participated in the finals, they are shook by some of the fights, particularly Gaara of the Sand’s. And all three of them are suffering from injuries gained from protecting civilians in the stands during the invasion. Mioki has enough lacerations that she’s practically swaddled in bandages, Sakura’s right arm is in a sling, and Sasuke is laid up with a cast on his right foot, lucky that there is no _permanent_ damage.

Sakura’s been splitting her time between Sasuke and Inoichi’s girl, who’d gotten roughed up enough that they hadn’t known if she’d survive for a few days there, only going home at night so her parents don’t worry too much.

The hospital staff have flat given up on kicking Mioki out of Sasuke’s bed, since the boy goes into full-out panic attacks if Genma or one of the girls aren’t with him.

All in all, between sitting vigil at Kakashi’s bedside and spending time with Sasuke, Genma’s been practically living at the hospital, only leaving to drag Mioki out in the mornings when Sakura shows up, so they can both change and shower.

But honestly? What’s annoying him most is that every time Iruka sensei shows up to check on his former students, Zabuza shows up to flirt with him. He’s seen subtler drunks trying to pick up whores, but Iruka sensei somehow manages to miss all the cues and just looks puzzled off and on. Watching is vaguely fascinating and horrifying. And where Zabuza goes, Haku goes. Haku who is androgynous enough that Team 7’s genin are half convinced that he shows up to flirt with Sasuke, even though it’s perfectly obvious to Genma that the kid is simply trying to avoid playing third wheel to Zabuza’s attempt at romance. At least Genma _assumes_ it’s supposed to be romance, since Iruka is most definitely not the sex friend type or one night stand type.

Then again, maybe Zabuza just senses that there’s more to Iruka than a friendly Academy teacher and is trying to provoke him to see what it is. If that’s the case, well, Genma will find snacks and a good vantage point and watch the chaos. Iruka may be the _retired_ prank master of Konoha, but to date, no one has come close to topping his skills. Other than Genma’s alpha, who most likely doesn’t even live in Konoha. If nothing else, seeing an S rank ninja getting pranked to hell and back will be all kinds of amusing. And if that happens, Genma’s definitely setting up a betting pool. No point in missing out on profit, after all.

~

Haku is a little hurt by Team 7’s attitude. After all, if he were flirting with one of them, they would be in no doubt about the matter. But they are young, and his true purpose is to show Zabuza-sama support without getting in the way of his _truly awkward_ flirting. He can withstand slightly suspicious stares as long as needed.

In truth, he doesn’t see what attracts Zabuza-sama to the chunin teacher. The man shows little respect for Zabuza-sama’s station, even going so far as to scold him without shame now and then. As well, Iruka sensei is weak, hardly a match for even Haku, much less Zabuza-sama. Easily riled and emotional to a degree that Zabuza-sama normally despises, the teacher seems only good for keeping bratty children in line, and badly at that.

It is also true, however, that the man is kind and Haku cannot dislike him. Moreover, he makes Zabuza-sama smile with something other than bloodlust, which alone is enough to endear him to Haku. And it bears mention that his former students obviously hold him in high regard; that is quite a statement, given the somewhat bearable disaster that is Team 7.

He does not disapprove of the man. In truth, though, he doubts it would matter if he did. Zabuza-sama does as he likes, and it’s quite obvious he likes Iruka sensei to an alarming degree. Enough so that Haku has checked repeatedly for signs of genjutsu and other subtle influences, only to come up empty on all counts. Regardless of Haku’s unease, it is apparent that the teacher is simply to Zabuza-sama’s taste. He may not _understand_, but he is quite willing to support Zabuza-sama’s pursuit of his lover-to-be.

And in truth, there are far worse people Haku could be spending his time with than the paranoid and somewhat battered Team 7 genin. Konoha is hardly the friendliest place in the wake of the failed invasion. Haku has never seen such widespread property damage. It’s quite understandable that people are jumpy and suspicious of those they don’t know well as of yet, but it does get a bit tiresome. Not on his own behalf so much as to see the suspicion towards Zabuza-sama, even after helping Konoha repel the invasion. It is a bit refreshing that Iruka sensei is not among those, and even Team 7’s suspicion is not in regards to their loyalty.

Perhaps he should set the genin straight about his own intentions, but they haven’t _asked_. Besides, it’s quite flattering that they all seem to think that he’s capable of seducing one of them when they’re obviously quite involved with each other. Not sexually, not yet, but it obviously will be that, given a couple years or so.

~

Iruka is a very _busy_ person, at the moment. Not only does he have his normal teaching duties and shifts at the mission desk, but he spends shifts helping clean up and repair Konoha as well. Although his skill is negligible compared to a seal master, it is in demand for lesser seals that need to be put up as buildings are repaired or rebuilt entirely.

Still, he makes time to visit his former students who are still in the hospital. Somehow this seems to coincide often with the visits of the former Mist nin Zabuza and his apprentice Haku. Even when he varies the time he comes to visit. It’s enough to make him suspect that there is some design to the coincidence.

Zabuza is weird. This is not to say that Iruka dislikes him. No, not at all! _(And Haku is a sweet child.)_ On the contrary, Iruka likes Zabuza very much. In fact, it would be hard to find someone physically more his type, even among shinobi. Besides that, Zabuza is surprisingly erudite for someone who pretends that killing is his favorite thing ever. _(That won’t fly, because Iruka’s seen the fond, paternal glances Zabuza gives his apprentice at times he thinks no one is looking.)_ Iruka suspects that his title of ‘Demon’ is carefully crafted for maximum impact. His mind is certainly as sharp as a kunai, and he can speak easily of things well outside his specialties.

It’s just…

Well, Zabuza’s sense of humor is quite questionable. Somewhat like a peculiarly profane eleven year old. Honestly, Iruka would be happy to fuck him thoroughly in the nearest unoccupied bed _(provided there are no kids around)_, but every time he starts to indicate his willingness, the odd jokes come up. Some might mistake them for flirting, but they clearly _aren’t_ and it’s beginning to make him a bit paranoid.

Perhaps Zabuza has noticed his interest in a relationship and this is his way of turning Iruka down gently? He doesn’t _think_ Zabuza is that kind of roundabout person, but _really_. Is it any wonder that he’s starting to feel a bit insecure about the whole thing?

~

Kakashi has the worst headache. Whoever is mumbling off and on about Zabuza and flirting and Iruka and demonic genin minions with insecurity issues is only making it worse. Finally he finds the irritation induced energy to pry one eye open and croak, “Be quiet.”

There is a brief moment of blessed silence.

“It’s about time you woke up. Do you know how long you’ve been making me wait? The first week and a half, the medics kept telling me that you might just slide quietly into the Shinigami’s arms without a whimper. And then they decided you’d survive because you’re too damned stubborn to die, but would be in a coma for the rest of your life. Medics can be real assholes when it comes to people they don’t like.”

He manages to focus enough to see who’s berating him. _Oh. Genma._ “My head hurts.”

Genma snorts and wanders over to punch a call button. “I imagine so, idiot. I know you had to get the Ichibi under control, but you weren’t supposed to attempt suicide by chakra exhaustion in the process.”

_Oh. So that’s why he feels like the Nara clan stampeded their deer herds over him a few times and then kicked him into an algae filled pond and held him under for good measure._ “We won?”

That nets him a droll look. “Yes, Kakashi, we won. Suna’s in a bit of a snit about it. You didn’t even die in the process. And guess what? The hospital can’t _wait_ to release you to your pack’s care.”

Kakashi stares at him blankly for a long moment, before realization sets in that Genma is the only known, adult member of the same pack in Konoha. Genma, who lives with the hell brats. “Oh fuck no.”

Genma, like the evil bastard he is, giggles at Kakashi. “You. Don’t. Have. A. Choice. Even you can’t escape with no chakra after a month in a coma. Besides, it’ll be good for the brats to learn how to do things for others.”

He opens his mouth to reply, but a nurse bustles in to fuss over him. Poking, prodding and asking questions until he just wants to pass out to get away. But at least she finally gets him some painkiller for his headache. Fortunately, she _does_ shoo Genma off and inform him that he can’t simply abscond with Kakashi. At least not for a couple more days. By which time, hopefully, Kakashi will have enough chakra back to ditch the hospital before Genma can make good on his threat. Genma in mother hen mode is bad enough. No way is he getting stuck with the Genin Who Don’t Deserve to be Ninja on top of that.

After the nurse finally leaves, he ponders the mumbling that woke him. It occurs to him to wonder who, exactly, is flirting with _Zabuza._ Anko, maybe? And how Iruka sensei has managed to get himself in the middle of _that_ mess. The bossy chunin teacher _does_ seem to be missing some self-preservation filters, though, so Kakashi can absolutely picture him lecturing both parties at the top of his lungs. Probably about flirting in front of children or some such nonsense. Granted…someone flirting with Zabuza would probably be traumatic to children, so Iruka sensei’s interference was probably quite justified in this instance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Kakashi. You have the matter by the wrong end entirely~


End file.
